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Subject: Iceland #71 - Olfactory offense
(Posted on Dec 29, 2014 at 03:18PM ) Tags:
After an overnight flight, you’re in a car for a couple hours in remote Iceland on your way to a wedding at the end of August 2003, when suddenly … you’re attacked by Dr. LoveSexy from his perch in the passenger seat.

 
The Dr. looked at me, paused for a moment of cerebral reflection, sniffed, and
turned his upper torso toward the door. “Monopoly this.” He loudly expunged a
wet-sounding anal burp that reverberated with a slow and sloppy staccato.

His anal elocution was not to be confused with anal electrocution, which was 
an altogether different experience, although the latter could feasibly stimulate
the former. Both prove the maxim “it is better to give than to receive.” 

Eeeew. This was the real deal.  Noxious fumes hung in the air, unlike my 
Terrance and Philip jest with George Johnson two weeks ago.

Edwin may well have left behind a brown racing stripe inside his skivvies with
this one. “Beavis-cum-Cornholio, ‘your bunghole just went
ra ka ka ka. You may
need TP for your bunghole,’” I said, trying not to breathe. “That was some crazy

bum cum hum.” I labeled it so from a sonic perspective, being inclined to
sporadically spawn such silly Seussisms.

He completely had me. I was not equipped at this very second to fire a volley
in reprisal.  
The war was over with one shot, and you were dead. Jar that up in
mass quantity, and one had credible replacements for those problematic
missing Weapons of (M)Ass Destruction not yet found in Iraq.

Hey, shit happens. Whether you call it farting, tooting, anal burping, queefing, or anything else, you need to deal with it. Want to expand your vocabulary on the matter? Here’s a good HuffPo piece with 150 terms and Fart Names additionally describes them by type and adds other euphemisms to the mix.

The skinny on the buried Beavis-cum-Cornholio references (as taken from that classic Beavis and Butt-head series on MTV)  and that sound bite from the book above are seen in these two clips below.



Bob digs deep on all the things that really matter, even if he's just some single guy skipping merrily off to weddings all around the world.

Humans do it--men and women both, so don’t let the prettier, better and oft-smarter sex tell you they don’t play in this space.



This scene from Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle clearly demonstrates this capability. Hey, it must be true if it’s in a movie, after all.


Female "bottom burps" may even pack more punch than their male-generated counterparts per here and here. Note that it appears some people actually specialize in this area of study—go figure! From a science perspective, here’s a great little video that talks about everything you wanted to know about flatulence, and then some more. Impress friend, family, and foe alike (although sometimes these category labels can overlap) with these new-found kernels of knowledge.


Other animals do it too, and here’s a Top 10 list on it. The Fart Facts lists a bunch of great informaton on the matter. All the scoop on the poop, so to speak, pardon the pun. Here’s yet another piece from The Guardian newspaper that speaks to the medicinal powers of those petite puffs of personal perfumed pleasure.

As with many things out there in the world that one can ingest or experience, a little bit is just fine, but you can also be in danger if exposed to too much. Talk about WMD, or in this case per below, WAD, may be the more apropos tag.


This is the vaunted "blue angel" experience, which is not to be confused with the Blue Angels, unless the latter be doing the former while flying in formation, which would be kinda kool, one supposes.


To close off today's topic of global significance, here’s a "fartastic" festival of some serious auditory anal action going down and complied from one of Bob’s favorite shows.


In keeping with the spirit of the season, Happy Holidaze (Holz) Y’all, or HaHoY’a, in concatenated short form. Don’t feel shy to “Honk your horn.”

Subject: Iceland #71 - Pondering Phallological Pursuits
(Posted on May 22, 2014 at 08:47AM ) Tags:
So you’re in Iceland for a wedding, and there’s definitely lots to see and do in country, with not nearly enough time to take it all in, especially if you’re a fan of the great outdoors, natural wonders, flora, and fauna. There are many unique elements to experience, but something cultural to put at the top of everyone's "to do" list here is to check out the Icelandic Phallological Museum.


Yep, you got it.  The place looks like some lair where Lorena Bobbitt would ditch, preserve, and exhibit her treasure trove post Bobbitization spree(s). It’s a spot that would no doubt  give her ex, John Wayne Bobbitt, the creeps, after what he went through at her angry hand (and knife) back on June 23, 1993, a day the lads need to remember. Here's the overview on all that. 

Given our Ecuadorian gal’s inspiration and capably demonstrated experience, she might well qualify as a capable curator in Iceland, although she may prefer the field work angle.

Founded in 1997 by Sigurður Hjartarson, it was originally located in Reykjavik, and then moved to much more remote Húsavík in 2004, but relocated more conveniently back to downtown Reykjavik the last couple years. The museum houses a wide array of that memorable member of mammalian malehood (and related bits and bobs), from the massive, to the medium, and on down to the microscopic. I’d show you the hamster one, but some say it needs a magnifying glass at just 2 mm (or 0.0787402 inches) in length.


For the longest time since opening, the museum was missing one all-important exhibit—that which came straight from mandom. But, happily for all, and complete satisfaction, this glaring omission was resolved and here’s the skinny on it in this insightful trailer for The Final Member.


It doesn’t end there folks, cuz, like, there’s always something bigger and better just around the corner, as all the ladies know. There will one day be forthcoming an even greater donation from the mass of mandom out there, and from Manhattan, no less. So much for everything being bigger in Texas. This recent HuffPo piece speaks to Jonah Falcon’s pledge to give to the cause one day down the road, when he passes on. It will be a good replacement for the current donation there as the piece explains.

At the end of the day, the museum is definitely NOT a typical place on most folks’ tourism itineraries, even if you are some well-traveled single guy hitting weddings all over the world. As they like to say there, “It’s all about dicks.” 


ICELAND, an awesome place that’s on the map for many kool reasons, and getting all studious on things phallological is just one of them. When done there, some of the ladies may get all thirsty for a refreshment.


Photo of enthusiasitc founder Sigurður Hjartarson outside the old Húsavík museum location
 
Pulling no punches deep inside the trenches of global wedding tourism adventures as some single guy.


Subject: Iceland #71 - Hákarl and Brennivín
(Posted on Feb 27, 2014 at 09:02AM ) Tags:
Here’s something you’re not going to see every day on most folks’ dinner tables, even in Iceland. Let’s just say these two things are both an acquired taste, and are certainly a dynamic duo packing a wallop in the culinary experience department. Many might just label it all pretty nasty if your tastebuds run in the mainstream.

Rotten / putrefied / fermented / cured shark meat doesn’t sound nearly as appealing or exotic as hákarl, so let’s stick with the local Icelandic name for it to make it all the more pleasantly palatable.

Good thing it wasn’t on the menu that day for the wedding back in August 2003. Sometimes I am not so sure how many locals actually eat this stuff, as opposed to saving it for “special” occasions with unsuspecting foreign visitors looking for a quintessentially Icelandic experience.

This Culture Vixen piece here nicely covers it all off in gory detail for those that are curious. Maybe after reading it though, you may run screaming into the night and not want to go anywhere near this stuff.

The Brennivín part of the equation is the alcohol needed to wash this first sucker down and kill the taste. It seems to be about the only thing around that will do it. The “burning wine” literal translation is apt. This Georgetowner piece goes on a little more about the drink, and how it got its other name of Black Death (even though it is clear).

I kinda like the Brennivín moniker way better for marketing porpoises [sic], unless you are trying to build up your adventurous, single-guy street cred traveling to weddings all over the place. Featuring this stuff on any wedding menu might be a great way to keep many (or all) invitees away and have them send their regrets on not being able to make it out for your special day in paradise, especially if you promote it as rotten shark cubes coupled with side shots of Black Death.

At the time of this writing, it looks like the first shipment of Brennivin has washed ashore in the USA for imminent distribution based on this Twitter feed, so keeners out there will soon be able to get their hands on a bottle or two of this bad boy. No doubt, folks will be lining up around the block for this fine Icelandic export.

Getting your hákarl fix might be a little harder though. I have not done any research here yet on this puppy, and how to get it in North America easily, so it might be a good excuse (or not, as the case may be) for a quick trip to Iceland. Or just go to that great island, and skip this particular eye-opening taste and smell sensory experience.

And, if you really don’t want to believe me on all this stuff, cuz this is all just some effwit’s ramblings on some wedding novel blog, take a peek at this video below, which nicely covers off this brave gal’s virginal experience with this culinary pairing. Now, even though she ain’t speakin’ da Engrisch here with her commentary, you can just tell how she feels about all of it. She is speaking Danish, after quickly checking with a couple Nordic friends in the know. Trust, but verify, is the way to go on things generally, if you can. 


Bobby Bo gives Nada an A+ for pleasant demeanor throughout the ordeal. A smile goes a long way, especially when you ain’t having such a good time. Plus she goes back for a second kick at the can, even if it doesn't stay in her mouth for long.

If her enjoyment wasn’t enough to convince you about this dining delight, maybe this next video exhibit will.  The "main event" with our unsuspecting Wreckless Eating trio starts in at minute 7:30 if you want to blow through their unrelated "warm-up" dishes, and their journey really gets “graphically” going a little later after they actually take a few of them shark chunks down. Note how even a little plece of this stuff goes a long way in the flavuh department.


Full marks for bravery here to all three, but I kinda wish they had researched it a little more, and known to wash it down with the Black Death, and get rid of that lingering taste that seemed to really bother them. Like the wise old saying, forewarned is forearmed, in case you ever find yourself in this specific situation.

This is a more educational take with a view to the background and preparation thereof, as done in fine typical NatGeo fashion.


Doesn’t that all just want to make you pull away from that device or computer screen, and get out there and push your five senses to the max with all the wonderful things out there in the real world? There is no substitute for travel if you ever have the opportunity. 

Bon appétit, my friends.



Subject: Iceland #71 - Budir - Church and Hotel
(Posted on Jan 10, 2014 at 03:29PM ) Tags:
There are several spectacular photos capturing the breathtaking area in and around the church at different times of the year in that remote area on the Snaefellsnes peninsula of west Iceland where Wedding #71 was held.

No matter how I tried to describe the church itself in words in the book, the outside and inside of which are shown nicely in these two photos.

 

The surrounding area is definitely best shown via imagery, so I didn't even bother to try that with words. More shots of the church, hotel, surrounding region (and indeed all across the country) can be found on this Pinterest Board.

The cozy and welcoming Hótel Búðir was where the follow-on reception was held ithat ran well into the early hours of the next day, and it was really just steps away from the church. After all the wedding merriment of that evening, the journey to bed was luckily even shorter than the stroll to church that afternoon.
 

Generally, this Nordic island nation of Iceland makes for a fantastic place to get away from it all, chill out, and take in the great outdoors on many fronts with various activities and adventures of your choice. You can get your urban comfort and entertaiment  fix as needed in Reykjavik for a few days.