bobnboguslavski.com Blogs - News
Showing posts for tag offbeat eclectic funny novels (Back to Index)
Bookmark and Share
I won this book through a giveaway here on GoodReads.

I really wanted to like this book, not only because it seemed interesting, but also because the author spent so much time and efforts to trace it, since it seemed lost, and I really wanted to reward him with a good review.

Unfortunately, I cannot do so. I really tried to enjoy it, but I was not able to understand his purpose in all this. The characters were boring and, honestly, sometimes I even felt disgusted by them. Even though he travelled all around the world and he dealt with many different kind of people, I could feel sometimes prejudices and bigotry, not to talk about the machismo. I think this is a book that only Canadian or American people could read, because they are the only ones that could properly understand it. The main character says the he is not ready to get married, but I think that he is just one of those forever irresolute people, unable to make decisions.

I decided to give it 2 stars because the descriptions of the different lifestyles around the world are very interesting.

The writing style is well-built, but in some parts the author uses so much slang that it is almost impossible to understand him for a non native English speaker like me. However, I will not blame him for this, because I am sure that it was due to my partial knowledge of the language.

I am sorry to write a review like this, but this is not a book I would recommend since it communicate me nothing.

Rating: 2 / 5 *

Original Posting: Fede | December 25, 2014 | Source Link: Goodreads

Subject: London #15 - In the pub (on the piss)
(Posted on Mar 2, 2015 at 12:56PM ) Tags:
Pubs-there certainly seemed to be a LOT of them about in the UK in '89 when Bob first visited the place. At a March '91 wedding, the topic of their number came up in conversation. The lads were standing around for a few hours in The Kings Head in Shepperton, to "take the edge off" before that much more serious church ceremony stuff began on a Saturday afternoon.

Pubs and churches went hand in hand, and were often physically side-by-side--as
close
as possible to marrying the two, short of actually serving alcohol during the
ceremony.
Now that would be awesome.

This physical proximity to pubs wasn't reserved solely for churches; pubs were
everywhere
in this country.

"Some 74,000 or thereabouts per current measure,"Rowland had told me. "Factor in
another
35,000 on-license locations between restaurants, private clubs, other residential,
and the
off-licenses, and there is no shortage, my boy."

You could be anywhere, doing anything, and if you fancied a pint, a short walk or drive in
any direction would lead to a place to wet your whistle.

Pubs are friendly places, where even complete strangers can have a deep and meaningful conversation on just about any topic. This classic Monty Python sketch originally aired in 1969 (when Bob was not yet even in kindergarten) ably demonstrates that.


Yo, that's the way British humo(u)r rolled back then. The Two Ronnies take another run at things in the pub with their approach to getting pleasantly pissed.


And what cultural pub overview would be complete without a little "mixing it up a la Hale and Pace.


In all fairness to the ladies, we must give them a say about the pub, drinking, and what their guys may be up to, especially when the girls may have other things in mind ... nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean? Here's the Loose Women crew having a natter on the matter, even though it takes them a few minutes to make their points.


Say no more! Remember ladies, even if you're not from Purley and haven't been around, menfolk are simple, and not mind readers. Best to always give them a heads up on things, especially as a relationship / marriage (d)evolves over time.

So, back to the numbers and related things about pubs. The count quoted above re watering holes matches up with this source here, but seems to be significantly different from this source here and echoed here. Well, you can chalk that up to being the nature of statistics many a time someone always has a different way to count stuff of note. Dig deeper on your own if you feel the burning desire to demystify that.

Anyway, bottom line, it's always better when one need not stray far for a glass of liquid cheer. With all the pubs out there, it seems many names get used repeatedly per this piece. Regarding the specific pub on that particular wedding day, it is but one of 240 with that name. There may not be a lot of creativity at play. The Red Lion takes top spot with 518 places electing to name their establishment with that. But there are still a few examples of imaginative names with the likes of The Pyrotechnists Arms, The Cat & Custard Pot, and The Legend of Oily Johnnies, among others, as this piece highlights.

The number of UK pubs has actually been in a slow and steady decline the last decades, as pointed out here and here, for a few reasons. Other options for drinking are present now with bars and clubs, consumption patterns are changing, and lots of supermarkets are selling too, so one can drink at home more easily than ever before. Historically, there's a long and deeply ingrained culture at play, going back to a time when drinking water may not have been so clean, so beer was a better, safer option one simply had to go where that was to stay hydrated. Some of the history and background can be dug up here and here.

Despite the modern day decline, there are still plenty about today if you need to get your drink on. If you've never been to a real authentic pub, how does one explain the differences between pub and bar cultures? Two pieces here and here expand on that. The best way to sort it is experiencing it firsthand if you can.

With this talk about pubs and drinking, is it all a bit too much, and is there a problem? Australian comedian Jim Jefferies may have the answer, with his focused and artful spin on drinking, and subtle comparison between the UK and US.


We won't bother to dig further on comparisons with other pub cultures such as Ireland and Australia--let's save that for another drink and time. However, Bob couldn't resist pulling up an Oirish gem (from some refreshment oasis, no doubt) that wisely tells folks not to worry about most matters in life. It adheres to the KISS principle.


Whether or not hanging around the pub fits with your own personal socializing style and/or life-knowledge gathering modus operandi, as some single-guy, occasional wedding guest and part-time typist, Bob has gleaned the following kernel of wisdom, as this pub signboard below points out. More similarly insightful and informative pub signs can be seen here.


This be TRUTH and deffo, is stuff they ain't teaching your sorry ass in skool [sic]--maybe sumpin' best mulled in situ in some "appropriate" spot with our culturally- and world-aware Aussie mate, Jim from above, and those of similar ilk.


If you're lucky, the opportunity to experience this may be there just as it was for Bob, traveling the world for weddings. Or just read about it all in his book.




Subject: Santiago #30 - Pisco Potation Punch-Up
(Posted on Feb 7, 2015 at 11:21AM ) Tags:
So, Bob finds himself at a wedding In Santiago just before Christmas 1996, and one of the reception hour beverages being plied is that classic cocktail, the Pisco Sour. It's pushed proudly as being Chilean in origin, when out of the crowd, some cat jumps out to have a say on that matter.

"Actually, there is some debate on this matter of the pisco sour and where
it comes from,
" said a dark-haired fellow with black-rimmed glasses in a
blue suit beside us. "I don't mean to curtail your enjoyment, so please excuse
me, but Peru believes it is the originator of the cocktail."

Antonio Diaz Villamil introduced himself. Bolivian, he lived here in Santiago, and
was a friend of the Gluschitz family.
"Both Peru and Chile consider it their national
drink and there are two competing tales of its origin."

The Peruvian story behind the cocktail was that it was invented in Lima by a
Salt Lake City expat, Victor
"Gringo" Morris, in the early 1920s at the bar he
ran called Morris Bar. The cocktail was essentially an alternative to the whiskey
sour. The challenging Chilean version of the tale attributed the concoction to an
Englishman, Elliott Stubb, a ship steward who disembarked at the port of Iquique
in 1872 to open a bar where he supposedly unveiled the drink.

So what's up with all that, and who's right? There is some debate between Chile and Peru about the origin of the drink; both countries have their own version and claim ownership rights, it can even be a source of friction between the two nations as explained some more here. Wars have probably been started for less. Another little thing to note and factor into all of this, is that back in 1872, Iquique was actually part of Peru at the time, and after the War of the Pacific in 1879, it became part of Chile.

The history of the base alcoholic spirit, pisco, dates from 16th century Spain and more details can be found here.


There's a lot more on the drink's dueling origins here, as well as some differences in the ingredients and preparation therein. And if limes may not be around on some occasions, folks substitute in lemon instead. Reminds one of that whole gin and tonic lemon versus lime debate which got covered here.

No matter whether you want to make the cocktail the Chilean or Peruvian way, you may also elect to try it a la Anna Kendrick style. There is deffo some "different" ad-lib recipe action going down.


Unless our gal was confused and thinking salad dressing with the yolk, she was probably just having some fun on porpoise [sic]. Either that or trying to be some pisco sour experimentalist cum crazy cocktail scientist. Go on and get creative with your own version.


Some recipes out there use lemons, and state that Pisco is from Peru, but hey, we know it also comes from Chile. Oh well, we'll let that slide. It's all kinda like the stuff they tell you on the news and getting the real truth on what's going down out there in the world. You gotta go and dig for the real deal yourself from multiple sources, and ones that are out of the mainstream media.

Bob's seen a bunch of different variations as regards the ingredient quantities as well, so you may want to fiddle around a bit if you try making this puppy at home. Here are two variations alone. Maybe more booze per serving is better. I mean, it 's not like you ever really typically see a recommended serving size on a bottle label of any spirit out there generally, right?



On another note, Chile produces WAY more of the base spirit than Peru does, almost 14x according to 2013 figures, but it's made a little differently. Peru seemingly goes to a little extra trouble to manufacture it in smaller artisanal batches and classify it a little more painstakingly by denomination, quality and strength as well.


There's even a National Pisco Sour Day in Peru (or Día Nacional del Pisco Sour), held on the first Saturday of February since 2007 per this current Forbes piece, and as this ad below from a few years ago plugs.


Uhhmm, yeah, that happens to be today actually, by pure coink-e-dink. Naturally! One would never time the writing of this post so as to tee up with this annual cocktail celebration. Regardless, it's a damn good excuse to take down one or two of these puppies.

And just when you think the origin battle was solved, something like this creeps into the mix, and introduces some added doubt and mystery, as seen below, and elaborated on in more detail here and here about the origins going back to at least 1903 in a regional cookbook.



Despite what the evidence may show, and whichever side you want to pick, Adal Ramones, Mexican television show host and comedian, found some politcal pisco punch here, as linked to the 2009 Chile-Peru espionage scandal:

"What do the Chileans want to spy from Peru?
How to make a good Pisco Sour?
"

Will we ever know the cocktail's real origins? Maybe not. And which version is better? It seems many prefer the Peruvian version to its Chilean counterpart. Best you decide for yourself. This piece navigates the middle ground, basically saying both are different. Our world-wise wanderer, Anthony Bourdain, throws out his two cents on the Chilean variant in a 2009 episode (5 - 11 to be exact) from his No Reservations series.Caveat potator, as one may say in Latin.


Back in 1996 at the wedding, a younger Bob was just some happy-camper, single wedding guest, going with the flow, open to learning more about the matter and the country's history, and drinking in the scene.





Subject: Los Angeles #70 - BFF Neighbo(u)rs
(Posted on Jan 15, 2015 at 08:41PM ) Tags:
You're at some wedding in Greater LA just after the Blackout of 2003 took out a big chunk of the Northeast on both sides of the border, when the following comes up in conversation about supposed neighboring BFF countries, Canuckistan and Amerika.


"Canada is America's invisible, steady, safe-sex partner. The Beaver's only too happy
to just bend over and take it like any good bum buddy. One day, we'll just take the
place over," said Jock.

"That won't happen," said Wade.

"It's not imaginable at this very moment, but go back almost 200 years. We attacked
and invaded Canada in 1812. Then, in the 1930s, there was an attack plot--War Plan
Red," said Jock.

"OK, I'll give you that. Canuckistan even had its own cockamamie preemptive plot to
invade south before that, in the 20s--Defence Scheme No. 1."

"You never know how quickly close friends can become enemies, or vice versa," said Lamont.

"Betcha there's still some super-secret-squirrel crank Yank plan in the works under
the
guise of liberating Canada one day from its socialist left-wing tyranny--for water
and
oil. But," said Wade, "that's another topic altogether."

"We'd still graciously let you keep all the hockey rinks, polar bears, maple syrup, and
McKenzie brother tuques you'd need," Jock said. "America's munificence is unbounded."

So whaddup with all that?

Not only was Canada attacked as mentioned in the War of 1812, there was an earlier invasion in 1775, and the series of Fenian Raids between 1866 - 1871. Okay, so maybe America officially wasn't involved in these last raids, but it appears they looked the other way. Yeah, go figure like that tactic of tacit approval ain't never been used since by nobody.

The skinny on War Plan Red and Defence Scheme No. 1 are in the links and are also summarized below.



Canada has, like, stuff, and shit, as this informative website lays out. Another interesting but much more serious spin on the topic, both historically, and with a modern day slant, can be found here.



The pretense of war could all shake out just like this in Canadian Bacon. It doesn't take much to start a war, and today, most folks seem to believe what they see and hear on TV about world events unfolding as depicted and being accurate.


Or maybe it will go down as it did in South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut. It all started from that fine flick the kids saw, Asses of Fire, as previously covered in a blog post here (see Step 2). Next, the kids' behavior gets modified, Kyle's Mom goes apeshit, scapegoats are created, and war breaks out easy breezy before you can say "Bob's your uncle."


That's when the propaganda machine revs into overdrive and feeds the masses pulp to fan the flames of patriotism and doing the right thing.


Bob's basic premise is that if invasion plans like that existed historically, they certainly exist now. They could now be camouflaged under different guises of economic harmonization, secure perimeter integration and other stuff like, uhm, say protecting against the coming zombie apocalypse as elaborated on below in Canada's Parliamentary House of Commons. Bob be only bringing your ass the important stuff.


Or maybe it will be about the ever au courant, contrived and poorly named War on Terror, really about a state of mind when you think about it. Everything's relative, depending on your perspective.


But if shit shakes out either way down the road, here are some great ideas for a new flag, depending on how the "union" goes.



But really, some others at higher levels are really looking to have things all end up like this below, as taken from that classic 1964 Kubrick masterpiece, Dr. Strangelove.Bob digs this scene, as our man Slim Pickens, playing the role of Major T.J. "King" Kong,rides it out to the end and goes out with a bang. Yee haw! He shares the same birthday as Bob too, so what's not to like.


And like all great fairy tales (as with marriage, perhaps, some of the time), there is the stereotypical Happily Ever After, or HEA, as it is labeled in all them romance novels. Hey, just like in Dr. Strangelove and its full title, learn to stop worrying and love the bomb. Relax.


Then there's the momentary happiness when you"re just some guest taking in the scene as two folks walk down the aisle together, the ceremony is finally over, and you're anticipating the start of the reception N.B. This be where the food, drink, music and fun is at.

This is the kind of stuff going down in Wedding Chronicles. In this particular chapter, single simpleton gets caught up in discussion about Canada and USA before Japan-meets-Canada ceremony with his friends at sea, and everything "goes to hell in a handbasket" thereafter.



Subject: Iceland #71 - Olfactory offense
(Posted on Dec 29, 2014 at 03:18PM ) Tags:
After an overnight flight, you're in a car for a couple hours in remote Iceland on your way to a wedding at the end of August 2003, when suddenly you're attacked by Dr. LoveSexy from his perch in the passenger seat.

The Dr. looked at me, paused for a moment of cerebral reflection, sniffed, and
turned his upper torso toward the door.
"Monopoly this." He loudly expunged a
wet-sounding anal burp that reverberated with a slow and sloppy staccato.

His anal elocution was not to be confused with anal electrocution, which was
an altogether different experience, although the latter could feasibly stimulate
the former. Both prove the maxim
"it is better to give than to receive."
Eeeew. This was the real deal. Noxious fumes hung in the air, unlike my
Terrance and Philip jest with George Johnson two weeks ago.

Edwin may well have left behind a brown racing stripe inside his skivvies with
this one.
"Beavis-cum-Cornholio, 'your bunghole just went ra ka ka ka. You may
need TP for your bunghole,'"I said, trying not to breathe. That was some crazy
bum cum hum. I labeled it so from a sonic perspective, being inclined to
sporadically spawn such silly Seussisms.

He completely had me. I was not equipped at this very second to fire a volley
in reprisal.
The war was over with one shot, and you were dead. Jar that up in
mass quantity, and one had credible replacements for those problematic
missing Weapons of (M)Ass Destruction not yet found in Iraq.

Hey, shit happens. Whether you call it farting, tooting, anal burping, queefing, or anything else, you need to deal with it. Want to expand your vocabulary on the matter? Here's a good HuffPo piece with 150 terms and Fart Names additionally describes them by type and adds other euphemisms to the mix.

The skinny on the buried Beavis-cum-Cornholio references (as taken from that classic Beavis and Butt-head series on MTV) and that sound bite from the book above are seen in these two clips below.


Bob digs deep on all the things that really matter, even if he's just some single guy skipping merrily off to weddings all around the world.

Humans do it--men and women both, so don't let the prettier, better and oft-smarter sex tell you they don't play in this space.



This scene from Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle clearly demonstrates this capability. Hey, it must be true if it's in a movie, after all.


Female "bottom burps" may even pack more punch than their male-generated counterparts per here and here. Note that it appears some people actually specialize in this area of study--go figure! From a science perspective, here's a great little video that talks about everything you wanted to know about flatulence, and then some more. Impress friend, family, and foe alike (although sometimes these category labels can overlap) with these new-found kernels of knowledge.


Other animals do it too, and here's a Top 10 list on it. The Fart Facts lists a bunch of great informaton on the matter. All the scoop on the poop, so to speak, pardon the pun. Here's yet another piece from The Guardian newspaper that speaks to the medicinal powers of those petite puffs of personal perfumed pleasure.

As with many things out there in the world that one can ingest or experience, a little bit is just fine, but you can also be in danger if exposed to too much. Talk about WMD, or in this case per below, WAD, may be the more apropos tag.


This is the vaunted "blue angel" experience, which is not to be confused with the Blue Angels, unless the latter be doing the former while flying in formation, which would be kinda kool, one supposes.



To close off today's topic of global significance, and in keeping with the spirit of the season, don't feel shy to "Honk your horn."


Happy Holidaze (Holz) Y'all,
or HaHoY'a, in concatenated short form.

Bob made this up for your ass.
Sometimes in life, you have these encounters that affect you profoundly--things to be remembered forever. One such one for Bob was way back in the day when he was a teenager and got a very unique and powerful spin on long-term marriage from some life-wi(s/z)ened, gray-haired, French Canadian cat called Lulu he worked with. When hardcore life experience got dished out by him, you know it was real--the kind of stuff you could never make up yourself unless you've been through it. To this day, it gives Bob something to think about. But before we get to that nugget of conciousness, let's lay out some basic groundwork in preparation thereof.

There's generally a lot of stuff out there on the topic of marriage and how it needs to be done and managed over time as the years and decades go by together in harmony and happiness. Righto.



Gary Busey had a thought on it. He was married the first time for about 22 years, 4 years the second time, and probably had a few other relationships to form the basis of his wisdom on this topic.

Now, by pure coink-e-dink, Bob has the same birthday as our marriage-opining actor. Whether or not you believe this is a good thing re shared birthday, and any personality comparison therein, just keep in mind that Gary was out riding his Harley without a helmet back in December 1988, when he hit his head real hard on the curb after being thrown off his machine. D'oh! More details on that serious mishap here and here. Unfortunately, things weren't the same for him thereafter. It wasn't long after that he got divorced in 1990. So maybe one wonders if he started to see marriage in a completely different light after all those years, or the accident introduced some clarity on the matter.

One all-important element in the vast majority of long-term marriages that keeps cropping up is one of Kom-mUn-E-Kay-shun [sic] and (starting to try) understanding your significant other.


N.B. Before reading any / all below, be aware Bob did some digging online for equally-dishing stuff from the ladies as regards their men in marriage, but, alas, after a few hours of watching / listening, the stuff he found was either NOT funny, WAY too long and ramblng (like, Hello?!), or was just not edited right at others' hands ... so he just moved on. Ping his ass, and he can send you what he found to prove his point.

Jeff Allen has some good advice in this area. This is very important to your wife, so pay attention, fellas.


If this area of focus is a problem for some of the guys out there, there is a "pharma" fix to help quickly boost personal capability in this department.



If popping pills isn't your thing, there is always the high technology approach to save the day. Plus, this second solution works both ways to help your wife also understand what's being said by you in her direction.


Another facet in the mix over time is that married life kinda falls into a routine, especially once the kiddies arrive to change the playing field up even more.


This long-time married cat, Walter (The Old Grumpy Man), has it down pat as well, just like Lulu did. He is steered ably at the hands (and mouth) of Jeff Dunham.



Tim Hawkins, Bob Smiley, and John Branyan have a go on a few of the little things one learns along the way. A few snippets from their 2011 Rock Show Comedy Tour are below.


Okay, so much for the niceties and polite posturing. It's time to break out one of the Big Gunz of Comedy on this matter. No holds barred with our main man shootin' it straight.


So ... after all those other menfolks' slant on things, Lulu's take was still "out there" and highly unique, as sucked up, verbatim, right out of the book. He was able to sum it up in a simple and short sentence.

[BNB] "So, tell me," I asked, "what's it like being married 42 years to the same woman?"

No doubt herein lay some esoteric knowledge or a profound kernel of wisdom. I turned to face him and drink it all in. I was eager for a revelation about such a revered institution.

[Lulu]
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, you know," he said, not skipping a beat, "same old hole..." and, shrugging his shoulders, "...same old hair." He turned, half-smiled, and grunted, "Back to work, you maudit anglais cocksucker!"

FYI, "maudit anglais" translated from French equates to "damn" or "bloody" and "English."

No matter how many weddings Bob went to thereafter, that encounter from a summer day back in 1983 was always on his mind in the background--something to make him think about shite. Occasionally, a few well-chosen words go a long way. Stuff runs deep.

You can make of all this whatever you want, but forewarned is forearmed, the omniscient "they" always like to say.





Bob ain't being cynical about this topic. He's just looking at, processing, and spewing out, in unbiased fashion of course (just as the media does with the news), what other folks be saying about marriage after many years in the trenches with their significant other(s), as the case may be.

His ass has been lucky enough to hit a few weddings all over the world as some single guy, have a little fun along the way, and then observe what unfolds thereafter. And you can read about it all, plus a whole lot more about what goes on out there in the world, in this book.



Subject: Westport #94 - Large Wedding Parties
(Posted on Nov 25, 2014 at 02:44PM ) Tags:
There seems to be a trend the last few years to ever-larger wedding parties.




What is "too many" in a wedding party? It sure can make the whole experience like herding cats in a few ways and create some problems. A couple pieces that argue to keep it small and some reasons why can be found here and here, but the trend to "bigger be better" continues, even while other elements of a wedding may be getting smaller per here. But is there a "right" number on this matter? Wedding planner David Tutera weighs in with his opinion on bridesmaid count.


Too many people in the mix can slow things down, in terms of the ceremony processional, the receiving line and/or introductions. Wedding party photos are that much more lengthy and troublesome to coordinate as well, with so many present. Stuff also gets more complicated, especially for the ladies, in terms of dress and shoe styles and keeping them all happy, but a bride can always try and work around that and get creative. There possibly needs to be more talk and planning too on hair, make-up, and accessories, but Bob don't know so much about all that stuff.


If you do want to play this "go big or go home" game, you may want to try and keep things balanced out more or less equally on both sides of the aisle.


Bob's been in back-to-back wedding parties that featured a larger than normal bodycount so he speaks a little from firsthand experience. The one before this wedding in Westport, Bob was in a 9 + 9 balanced situation. The Wesport affair here was a bit different, cuz like, he was also a bridesman (or male bridesmaid).

This one featured an accompanying 12 + 7 formation for the groom and bride sides, respectively, but ALL were guys, save the best maid / woman / person (or honor attendant if you are going more gender-neutral). Having the guys in tuxes all lined up in a long row made it a pretty homogeneous blend of bridesmen and groomsmen. Bob was curious as to why a bride would have only male friends stand up for her, and no females, but hey, some folks roll that way in life. The ladies can stew and gossip some more on that element.

Here's an example of more bridesmaids but not too off-kilter on the male-female, groomsman-bridesmaid balance. This also shows the processional parade angle taking longer too.


Many groomsmen are in the mix here.


.If faced with tough selection choice, a bride could also adopt an alternative approach and hire her bridesmaids if friends can't make the cut one way or another.


Hollywood has already glommed onto this "for hire" concept, what with this coming movie on that very same idea.


So, if in the end, one decides to go big, what is up with the folks that specifically select 13 per side, and tempting their marital fate that way? Be safe, and go 12 or 14. Bob already had a take on the number 13 and its potential significance on wedding day in this other post.


Sure, you can have a LOT of close friends, making it hard to decide on who to include, not hurt anybody's feelings, or other reasons, but hey--buck up. Either that or include nobody and make everyone miffed. Or better yet, run away, make it far away (as discussed in this practical post) and you have a valid excuse to put into play. Or get married in a country or culture where there is no such thing as a wedding party, like when Bob was at #25 in Santiago, Chile. making things much simpler.

The other extreme is go somewhere where they be splashing it out BIG in that wedding party count department. Take this one outisde Colombo, Sri Lanka, between Nisansala Kumari Arivasiri (bride) and Nalin Pathirana, with 126 bridesmaids, 25 best men, 20 page boys and 23 flower girls. That be some serious action, and more people than some have in total as guests! This wedding happened in November 2013 and set the Guinness World Record in this department of most bridesmaids to one bride. It broke way past the previous record at a Thai wedding with 96 bridesmaids. More pictures of this massive wedding party can be found here.


The corresponding record for most groomsmen / ushers for one groom is a relatively paltry 47 per here in 2003 in the Toronto area, between Suresh Joachim Arulanantham with his bride Christa Rasanayagam. However, despite the record on one side, note that the guys were still upstaged by 79 bridesmaids.


I guess they like to supersize that angle when you hail from Sri Lanka. Our main man actor here was also in the record book for a couple other mentions too. Note as a small aside, Bob got invited to a wedding in Sri Lanka back in the summer of '99, but that tale is for another time.

Bob is NOT covering off the wedding party fashion angle here, because that was already done in this earlier post. Yet another way to make a wedding party statement or cater to specific situations in certain destinations, like say, wanting lots of firepower for some added oomph and protection, was done here.

But at the end of the day, when making your own personal decision, do whatever the hell it is you want, and/or your budget will allow. It's YOUR day after all. Unless of course, someone's mother-in-law wades into the fray to have her way. But hey, that mother-in-law topic will be dealt with some other time. One topic at a time, people.

Subject: Mustique #47 - Deconstructing that preposterous 'p' perversion
(Posted on Nov 15, 2014 at 01:52PM ) Tags:
You're on vacation on a luxe tropical island, and it's midmorning on your sister's wedding day when one of your British cohort offers up a local St. Vincent Hairoun lager to get the day going after breakfast.


Hey, it's always night time somewhere, and that's the way this lot rolled, especially Paine "Pongo" Lytton-Renworth. So you just go with the flow.

[PPLR] "In your case, this should act as prescient parallel post-party palliative and preemptive pre-party potation."

[BNB] "That's a plethora of p-p-ps, Pongo. Ten. Well done."

[PPLR] "I take pains to perform and please."

[BNB] "But not as many as in, say, uhm, uhhh...Peter Pocklington picked a peck of pickled Popocatepetl peppers with a passel of partisan professional paella peddlers from Pontevedra province peripheral to Portugal."

[PPLR] "Good heavens. What preposterous p profligacy."

So just what was Bob's crazy-ass parade of 'p' words all about? The basic building block is that classic tongue twister about Peter Piper, which is included in the Mother Goose collection of rhymes.


Of course Bob, being the eccentric and twisted character he is, had to go jazz that up a bit for adults and take it one step further. So let's look at those elements one at a time.

First, about that Peter Pocklington cat (we'll abbreviate him as PePo) ... if you ain't a certain age and don't hail from Canuckistan, you are likely not going to know of our man who used to own the Edmonton Oilers ice hockey team from 1976 to 1998.


For those not in the sports know, that type of hockey is kinda different from that other hockey some folks play with a curvy stick on grass or artificial turf. Per below, you decide which one is better; not that Bob has any personal preference or bias at all. It's kinda just like how the mainstream media reports the news.




Now, back to PePo, who was perhaps most (in)famous for signing Wayne Gretzky to the team in 1978 and then later trading his ass to Los Angeles in 1988. Hey, shit happens in pro sports, and that's the way the ball bounces or puck passes. It's about da bidni$$, Bobbolin(o/a), and maximizing value on a "depreciating asset." Get over it. Local folks in Edmonton at the time of the trade wuz real pissed though.


They sometimes also used to call our PePo guy Peter Puck (and Peter Puke for a bit post trade), but he sure as shit wasn't the original NHL Peter Puck that Bob remembers as a kid.


Note that in those good old daze, folks playing the game mostly didn't wear helmets either, and they only became mandatory in 1979. Back in that period, even wearing car seatbelts wasn't yet legislated either.

Popocatepetl? That's the active Mexican volcano, most properly spelled with the accent included as Popocatépetl, for those that need to be (anally) accurate.


This video below from 2013 shows a UFO ducking down into the active volcano. Perhaps they were looking for our guy PePo and them pepper pickers cum paella peddlers.


Passel is just some fancypants word for pack, as in a large group of an indeterminate number of people. How big? Who knows ... and who cares really. It was all about the 'p' sound stuff anyway at the time. Maybe that and Bob wanting to mess with Pongo's head a bit.

Then we had the bit about the paella, that famous Spanish dish with a long history, and some folks who were selling the stuff in a certain part of Spain. Yo, check out these big-ass paella pans being used.



Pontevedra is both a Spanish city and a province. It's the province that touches Portugual per this map below.


Note that Pontevedra makes way more sense in the whole tongue twister equation, than, erhm, say other provincial places in the world like Perugia or Pampanga. Hey, it's entirely plausible that if you wanted special peppers to put in your paella, be they pickled or not, you would do as these folks did, even if you had to go a very long way away to get them, and then bring them back to Spain for the preparation and subsequent peddling in province.

And as for our guy PePo being there at the volcano, maybe he was still in hiding after the whole Gretzy trade debacle and his other follow-on business activities that may not have worked out exactly the way he intended.

Bob always strives to bring you things of consequence in our world, even if he's just some single stumblebum attending weddings around the world, and randomly spewing stuff out on the fly. Bob's take on Peter Piper still isn't as good as the Run-D.M.C. rap take on it and other nursery rhymes from 1986.




Bob never liked his Electrical Engineering (EE) studies at all. It was not his cup of tea, he just stuck through to the bitter end and then moved on with life. As pointed out in the book at that wedding in Cancun when faced with a seriously misbehaving coffee machine, this was his take on it all.

"You studied electrical engineering, didn't you?" she said.

"Yeah, but it's not like I learned anything practical like being an electrician."

The whole EE thing had seemed mostly about ways to do all kinds of crazy-ass,
fucked-up math, most of which I'd already forgotten, nearly seven years after
graduation. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Voltage, V, is I times R.


Here's a typical example of that stuff, as pulled from a scintillating 2013 paper entitled "Electrical Conductivity and Nonmetal-Metal Transition of Dense Iron and Nickel Plasmas." Now, doesn't the equation below, as pulled from that puppy, just get your heart racing with excitement and want to go sign up for several years of this stuff?



Some more imaginative and innovative cats in the space like to take things beyond theory and put them into practice, for the benefit and education of all. Here's one example demonstrating electrostatic discharge, but EE ElectroBoom guy Medhi Sadaghdar has a whole series up here if you want to learn some more.


Here's a list of notable EEs over the years. Geez, not a lot of chikitas there, just as it was in Bob's engineering class. Also not good and yet another reason to stay away from that field of study. Rowan Atkinson took it to one level more of punishment and paper from BS (bullshit) to MS (more shit), and look what he did with his life. Change it up is what, once he got smart about that choice.


Some may even want to take stuff a step further and go all the way to Ph.D (piled higher and deeper). Bob's view on education in general can be found in his last post.


Exactly! Take that as a hint. At the end of the day, Bob reckons that most electrical engineers would much rather be like this guy--the most interesting man in the world from the well-known series of Dos Equis beer ads. EE sure ain't gonna do that for your ass. There are a ton of those commercials, and many can be seen here and here, beyond what is below.



Maybe even more interesting is the background on how that actually happened for our man Jonathan Goldsmith behind the beer ad campaign.


On the other hand, EE studies may well make you the least interesting man in the world.


On a related note, just just because you didn't study EE, don't let that stop you and your friends from exploring the joyous possibilities of electricity in different ways.


Here are a few good ideas in that department. Bob's personal favorite in this compilation is the #4 pissing on the electric fly swatter.


But danger, danger, in reality, it can get way more serious than that. Remember, there are big perils out there with electricity, especially as the voltage level climbs, as this video from India graphically points out. N.B. Nonny donny press play if you are squeamish about seeing someone get completely crisped.


You don't need to have studied electrical engineering to have that warning come home. Makes you wonder how Dos Equis man would have managed that. Really, at the end of the day, for most EEs out there toiling away in industry, the work is a far cry from anything really exciting.


As an exception, this cat has a few more thrills in the field though. You gotta like his parting commentary about his three fears in life.


Whatever you choose to do with your life, be it EE, not EE, or sumpin' else completely, make sure you do it well, as our learned and experienced pitchman advocates--that's something you can take to the bank.


Bob is so friggin' glad he traded that whole world in to become a part-time typist (PTT) and occasional wedding guest (OWG) at spots all around the world.
Subject: Epilogue - Education + intelligence blah-blah
(Posted on Oct 29, 2014 at 09:10AM ) Tags:
Toward the end of the book, after all the wedding dust has settled, Bob, Dr. LoveSexy and Jock Finn are engaged in some bi-coastal, morning BBM action on the subjects of marriage, relationships and women, when a brief, spontaneous topical detour to education and intelligence occurs.

Bogus Bob: Cry me a river! Education is not everything. It is a piece of paper, like marriage. Edumuhcation is just as important, if not more so. Everything important you learn on your own outside school in the real world anyhoo. As one friend long ago told me: B.A. = bugger all; B.S. = bull shit; M.S. = more shit; and Ph.D. = piled higher & deeper. Not to disparage education generally, but having a piece of paper doesn't mean one is more of a rocket scientist than someone who doesn't have one. There are many measures of intelligence.

Dr. LoveSexy: Linguistic, logic-math, bodily-kinesthetics, musical, spatial, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. Blah blah bleehhh. IQ is just an incomplete white man's invention for the benefit of white folks anyway. Measures only the first 2 out of 7.

Jock Finn: Of course. I know all about that 7 measures of intelligence shite. They added an eighth--naturalistic--and there is even debate on others.

Dr. LoveSexy: Regardless of how one measures it, you're both fuckwits. Put some of those Mensa mofos on the street in a real situation, and they wouldn't last so long. Enough. A man got work to do and bills to pay. Don't drain my day with this academic white drivel.

Dr. LoveSexy has left the conversation.

Jock Finn: Hmmm, I guess we should listen to Yoda. We singles are a dying breed and need to stick together, like the Jedi. OK, off to work.

The paper education versus life and self-education (aka edumuhcation) bit is pretty clear, but what were those 7 or 8 measures of intelligence all about? You can drill down here on the multiple forms (or modalities) of intelligence as theorized by Howard Gardner, and even a ninth, existential, was added too. One of his main points was that our standardized Intelligence Quotient (IQ) tests don't represent the Full Monty on completely assessing all modalities and someone's true intelligence. So, like somebody could have a high IQ and still be a full six pack short of all the remaining unmeasured modalities.


Similarly, someone with a lower IQ could have huge capabilities in the unmeasured areas. Many sources contest and point out that IQ tests also test spacial ability, but that is two-dimensional only typically, and not π dimensional. Yes, we be talking that "pi", which is very different from the other type of pie, such as rhubarb or chocolate pecan.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Of course there was a lot of debate and discussion on Gardner's theory. But at the end of the day, does it all even really matter? Next time someone calls you stupid or an effwit, dazzle them with that stuff and tell 'em you are "off the charts" in those non-standardized, unmeasured areas.


Sometimes, it's those little everyday things in the world where you witness spontaneous sparks of imaginative intelligence to solve a problem that may likely not be found on any test, or insight delivered from any textbook.


And, if you are being formally tested or judged, don't be boxed in by others' limited expectations and constraining lines of questioning. Change the game or playing field up. Turn those shite, ever-so-tricky, math mysteries into something else, as ably and creatively demonstrated here.


Maybe them folks at Mensa might get all pissed, cuz, like, if the playing field changed for defining intelligence as IQ is accepted today, it might overturn that whole apple cart.


Your sorry ass be figuring the world is flat, and mofos be saying it's round—yo, that stuff will mess with your head.


Not fitting flush into the Mensa fold, think it too elitist, or that it doesn't serve a porpoise [sic]? Think different and sign up for Densa instead!


It's much more inclusive and easier to get it in. Here's a piece that speaks to its origins and you can take a short test here. Then there's the classic Homer Simpson take on being smart (or "smaht" as many may say in Boston and MA environs).


If you're feeling intellectually inadequate, either way, it's possible do something about it right now and fix your life! A little superior in the intelligence department? Well, there's a pill for that, so you can downward adjust, and be just like everyone else around you.


On the flip side, want to get a little sharper? Try downing a few bottles of this Lithuanian bad boy, Vytautas. They claim it will make your wits so sharp you'll be able to slay vampires with them. Schweet! Plus, this awesome Earth juice seemingly has other huge benefits like drastically reducing your chances of being raped by a gang of pandas, if there's any truth in advertising out there still in the world.


On a sidebar note, Bob thinks that this last video kinda represents the vibe of what the overall book experience on completion can be like. Sorta like "What the hell just happened here?!"

Bob ain't just some daft dude hitting weddings all over the world for shits and giggles. He's imaginated real hard to invent some of them education type letters to put after his name, so he can socialize with those well-studied, titled-up folks and not feel inadequate. Three bestowed to date - PTT (Part-Time Typist), OWG (Occasional Wedding Guest) and HHRF (Head Honcho Rancho Fuckwit). In time, he'll work on some more.