funny wedding books novel amazon.com Wedding Chronicles Bob N. Boguslavski
Subject: Amman #52 - Spelling that guy's name
(Posted on Oct 21, 2014 at 05:34PM ) Tags:
So while Bob was bopping around Amman in 2000 for a wedding, one of the things in the back of his mind was the murkiness surrounding the multitude of English name spellings for that famed Libyan leader, Muammar Gaddafi.

I could progress one day to the myriad spellings of everyone's good
friend and drinking buddy-cum-regional strongman, Colonel Qaddafi.
Or was it Gadafi? Qudhafi works. El Kazzafi anyone? It's Qadhdhafi too,
McNumbNuts. Surely it was clearer and simpler in Arabic.

One kick at the proverbial can here was clearly not enough, and Bob came back for a second run at it later on in the chapter.

Revisiting Libya's Colonel naming confusion, there was much yet still to
master. Muammar Al-Gathafi? Omar Mouammer Al Gaddafi? For added
measure, Qathafi, Mu'Ammar el 70. May his moniker mayhem morph some
more with Mulazim Awwal Mu'ammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
added to the pile.

That last variant seems to be the longest naming version on record for our esteemed leader.


It seems the complexity of getting his name right in English centers around his name as pronounced in Arabic and not being able to properly transcribe it across into English letters, something referred to as transliteration. This short video encapsulates some of those spellings.


"No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi's name. He's like the Hanukkah of dictators. - Jimmy Kimmel

Five pieces all from 2011 jump into glorious detail on the matter as evinced below.

1) Time Magazine

2) Dictionary.com

3) Business Insider

4) The Economist

5) Good Magazine

ABC dug deep in 2009 to come up with 112 different spellings. We won't bother to list them all here but they are in that piece for all those that just need the full Monty there. The visualization below may possibly be the handiest device out there for compactly laying out his name spelling variants.



Then this other cat tried to get a little analytical on the subject here based on search results, focusing only on the surname, and forgetting about his first name. He was able to get it down to 41 from the 112 above, but there's still some serious long tail action going on.


There are a lot of possibilities at play here at each step along the way per below, and looks like even more spelling options than the simple visualization above.


This StraightDope piece from 1986 tried to tackle the matter as well. Perhaps, best and simplest for all (in the English language anyway), would have been as Bob thought about it during the wedding reception.
One solution--having the Colonel talk to , aka TAFKaP,
back in the day when said artist went through that phase.
A timely connection between the two characters regarding
naming guidance and simple symbolism could have made things
much easier for all in the world regarding the Libyan
's label.

This fuzzy (yet still legible) photo of his son Mohammed's passport may yield some clues as to how his old man hay have had his name spelled in his own passport. Yet another surprising version at play here with Al Gathafi.


In addition to having a name with multiple spellings, he was also a man of many titles at various points in time, be they self-appointed or not. Among them: King of (African) Kings, Imam of Muslims, Dean of African Rulers, Leader of the Revolution, Keeper of Arab Nationalism, and more informally perhaps, The Colonel. There was also that whole special fashion swagger he had, but that is probably best left for a whole separate analysis together with Prince lumped into the same boat.

And as with many celebrities, the ravages of time can take their toll on one's outward-facing aesthetics. But it looks like our main man took that aspect in stride and let nature do its thing, and not try and fight it with repeated bouts of cosmetic surgery that make folks look like some exotic stretched Asian feline. Give him credit for that.


Anyway, with all this confusion and no definitive resolution on such a small, discrete spelling matter, ain't no wonder we got no peace in the Middle Crease. Maybe we should all just use the Araboc version of our main man for the sake of clarity, consistency and simplicity. 

معمر محمد أبو منيار القذافي‎

This is what happens when you're some single punter hitting weddings all over the globe with different cultures and languages at play.




Subject: Singapore #77 - Kicking 'round the Kaaba
(Posted on Oct 4, 2014 at 01:20PM ) Tags:
So what gives with that Kaaba reference and analogy toward the end of that chapter, when Bob and a couple of the lads were decompressing at the end of the night after they left the wedding. They were having drinks and chatting to a posse of females inside the ever-interesting Orchard Towers with its famed nightlife that was otherwise covered in this other post.

Girls, smelling money, gathered like the slow counterclockwise-circling
pilgrim swarm around the Kaaba in Mecca during Hajj.

Bob was thinking in that general sense of Islam, as Ramadan was full on during that October 2004 wedding trip to Singapore, and the locals of that faith were adhering to that month-long practice. Note that Ramadan and the Hajj do not coincide, but Hajj does coincide this year with Yom Kippur, for the first time in three decades. Bob just figured to cover it off today, since it is Eid al-Adha, after all. Call it coink-e-dink if you prefer.

The Kaaba (or Ka'aba and Ka'bah) is the cuboid building and most sacred site inside the most sacred mosque in Mecca, the Masjid al-Haram. The book's tie to the circling swarm can be seen in reality below.


The circling is called Tawaf, and is always done in counter-clockwise fashion. Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that busy in the bar--Bob was just using a little hyperbole and artistic license to make his point. Here's a 3D animation of the inside and some more background information here for those really curious about the structure.


This video explains the rites of Hajj in six minutes for some added depth. Seems like things are all mapped out for folks on the pilgrimage.


This great VICE documentary really gives one some good perspective on what the scene is really like during the Hajj. Makes the logistics behind Burning Man seem like child's play in comparison.


A pretty crowded scene, and I imagine it is tough to actually be allowed to get inside the Kaaba these days, unless you are some VIP cum special guest. In case you are wondering what the inside is like in reality, the answer lies here in this clandestine video that does us all a favor.


It makes one wonder what this guy's treatment would have been if he had been caught filming. Most fulfilling their pilgrimage will never get to see the inside of the place. It looks like a tough ticket to get, especially if one is non-Muslim, since only Muslims are allowed inside Mecca, unless one sneaks in somehow. Bob's sure that has been done before.

There was a bit of brouhaha earlier this year, as recounted here, when a local cop on duty took a decidedly more relaxed pose on the shrine, and placing the sole of his shoe against it. He looks pretty weary, and probably just needed a rest. However, it certainly wasn't interpreted that way, per this longstanding gesture in the Arab world and what it means as discussed here.


There was a temporary outcry back in 2006 when Apple unveiled its iconic Fifth Avenue store in NYC. Perhaps just another coink-e-dink in the world, as opposed to some porpoiseful [sic] ploy on the wrapping during construction. You can be the judge of that, based on these photos before and after, as compared to the shrine.




Anyway, this whole Kaaba analogy was just a throwaway late night comment by some wedding traveler in a bar with his friends for those that might pick up on the reference. So now you know what's behind it and the link to girls and money.



Subject: Hawaii #54 - When lads look for lingerie
(Posted on Sep 21, 2014 at 10:28PM ) Tags:
So you're out shopping to get your gal some fine underwear or lingerie, and what to do and how to go about it all? If you've never gone down that road before, don't despair. It's really not all that complicated or intimidating.

First, you just better know her size, up top, and down below. That's VERY important. Some referenced pieces below suggest a strategy there if you need some help. Next, we'll deal with the two basic building blocks for most situations.

There are many types of bras for up top, and here's a basic array of the styles out there to choose from.


Then for the panties down below, you also want to know the general cut and style preferred, as explained here in words, and seen below. Looking at this matrix from top to bottom, Bob hears some guys going "Meh" (first row), "Getting a little more interesting" (middle), and "Now we talkin'!" (last row).


Here's a little video advice to get started, as espoused by a few of the ladies.


Here are two better, more detailed and helpful written pieces on getting started in this whole area, here and here. There's generally a ton of information and guidance out there if you want to dig some more.

But the real golden nugget of knowledge here lies with what all of the above or anyone else AIN'T gonna tell you.

That's where Bob dishes it out to Jock Finn, late at night at a fancy Hawaiian reception, after the lads have some underwear on the brain, as it were. It will deffo win a guy a major future hall pass and/or brownie points from the lady in his life. Unless, like, uhm, he got several on the go. But hey, that angle be for another time, and another chapter in the book, with other characters and discussions. For each and every one he does buy lingerie for though, this tip still applies.

As Bobby Bo discussed with Jock Finn, one important secret sisterhood tip the ladies ain't usually sharing on lingerie purchasing is this below. As a guy, you need to know. This is deep insight destined for application in the trenches of mandom.

[BNB] "When you're buying lingerie for your honey, buy a double set of
matching lowers to go with every bra up top."

[JF] "Why?"

[BNB] "On account of they can wear the top a few times no problem, but
down below, being a bit more squishy squashy and all, they tend to change
the bottoms out more frequently. With two bottoms, the overall set lasts
longer between laundering than with just the one.
"

[JF] "You know, that is a good one. As a guy, damned if I'd ever think of that
myself."

That's a top tip if ever for the guys out there when it comes to buying this stuff, but may on occasion need to be tempered with the actual retail experience.

[BNB] "The only practical issue I've encountered on occasion is with the salesgirl
in the store sometimes you need to wrassle for that second pair of bottoms. They
tend to not like
breaking up matching sets and being stuck with a bunch of extra
tops.
One way around it--buy a thong, a full-seat jobbie, or a cheeky, along with
the bra. It seems to be far less of an issue. But then your honey has to be into those
as opposed to just the thong.
"

There's quite a bit more to their actual exchange in the chapter. Bring Bob a problem, and he brings your ass (or her's, perspective dependent) a solution. He ain't just some single guy hitting weddings around the world. There be a ton of deeper matters delved into about how our big bad world out there works in the shadows. You ain't gonna be seeing this stuff on TV, learning it in school, or even dropped in some women's advice column either.

One of your bigger decisions in this purchase process is how much "jingle jangle from Juan's bol$illo" you want to be plunking out here, cuz, like, you can drop a lotta dinero on this stuff, depending on your budget, taste, and lust factor at play in the moment, stage or state of the relationship.

And like with anything you do in life, including buying your gal some lingerie, there's a need to pay a little attention to detail, yet not lose focus of the big picture and surroundings, as this fine European ad demonstrates.


Further, when you're that dude venturing into a lingerie shop somewhere, stay sharp as well, lest you get taken advantage of by some casual chikita banana shopper or salesgirl looking to have some fun at your expense. D'oh, Homer!


Last, this compilation can also be used for even more ideas and style inspiration on the matter if one needs to dig even deeper.


Now, for the other side of the coin, what about the fellas and their underwear selection stuff? Quick like a bunny, it's way simpler, as main man rapper MF Doom throws out here on his "Space Ho's" collaboration with Danger Mouse, where they are collectively known as Danger Doom.


Note the strategic silence in the lyric line above is paying a bit of homage to Notorious B.I.G. in "Unbelievable," where he raps, "Wear boxers so my dick can breathe."

So, ladies, between MF Doom and Biggie, with a little help from Judy Jetson, all y'all got your answer on shopping for your guy down below. Maybe, sorta, kinda ... sometimes.


But you may otherwise find the book way more insightful and entertaining, especially as it comes to some guy's global observations and spin on weddings, marriage, and relationships.



You go to a few weddings, and as a guy, you wonder why many bridesmaid dresses are so bad, be it the color, the style, or to maximize the effect, knocking off both angles simultaneously. Maybe it's because the bride needs to ensure she outshines her posse, so she purposely goes out of her way to peg them down a notch or two in the fashion department. But at the end of the day, the bride can be partly judged by how well her girls are dressed as it's a reflection of her taste.

Here's an attempt at an anatomical breakdown on how to do this right with a few choice suggestions.


It could well be a true test of a bride's friendship with her gals. Maybe you match the dresses to the drapes, as noted here by yours truly at that 1987 Montreal wedding.

The interior was decorated in rich, soft colors, and the bridesmaids' dresses
were designed to match the room
's peach draperies--or was it vice versa?--per
decree by Carole
's mother, Celine. I didn't ask.

But then you take it to another level altogether beyond just a simple soft color and put some patterns to that curtain play.


Or sometimes, better yet, maybe you have the dresses made from actual drapery material.







There really are a lot of possibilities for getting that special look you covet as the bride for your tightknit troupe on the biggest day of your life. You can certainly just go BOLD with color to make an impact.





The vintage look can also have its appeal as well, amd is a little softer in its approach.




Then there's that slightly sassy, cheeky look too for shits and giggles in a quick photo opp with your BFFs, even if the rest of your collective attire is otherwise just fine.



Or maybe you need to fret and fuss for that "furry fringe" look to really take things to an absolutely friggin' fantabulous level. Some $hekel$ must have been spent to get this vibe just right.


A lot of the guys won't be complaining about any bountiful and bodacious boob look though, be it bridesmaids or the bride herself. Be extremely careful not to jump, sneeze or breathe too hard, ladies.



In all fairness though, the discriminating fashion choices need not be exclusive to the female side of the equation. The fellas can also go out on a limb with their outfit tastes as well, but it usually doesn't seem to be as extreme as with the ladies, and can be quite subtle.







Then, there are those nuptials where the fashion faux pas equally straddle both sides of the gender divide and aisle, whether it's impromptu, "come as you are" casual, a painstakingly planned theme affair, or looking back in time a few decades for inspiration.







There's no need to write much, when the pictures show it way better. This single-guy wedding attendee hasn't been blessed by any such fashion-forward events as seen here,so maybe he's really missed out on sumpin' in life.

Bob just be laying out a few fashion options for your benefit and consideration on your big day so everyone looks their best. The possibilities are endless, if you really apply some imagination and creative energy to your wardrobe selections. One need not be limited by budget constraints to make a daring style statement, yet keep it classy.