funny wedding books novel amazon.com Wedding Chronicles Bob N. Boguslavski
Subject: Epilogue - Dangerous Destination Dos
(Posted on Jul 9, 2014 at 08:41AM ) Tags:
Just as that mysterious Max chap was trying to plan around some undesired scenarios that could potentially unfold at some super-secret, high-end wedding in Mexico, it was advocated by yours truly, posing as some bobo advice columnist, that he put some protective measures in place.

In life, you can plan until the cows come home, but stuff may still not go down according to your intentions. Shit happens!

And so, even in this Mexican wedding setting, it was presciently suggested everybody be packing, from the wedding couple on down to the bridal party, guests, and all staffers. That way, if the big day got overturned by some unwelcome wedding crashers, folks wuz prepared and all.

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However, if things go sideways, the scene could unravel like these famous cinematic scenes, just amped up somewhat in real life, what with potentially hundreds of armed folks in the mix on all sides.



And then, as someone postulated, "If miscalculated, the scene could unravel and go down faster than a piñata at Carlos Slim Helu's surprise 50th birthday party." But then, even THAT might not go down per plan as these videos nicely indicate. Whenever humanity is involved, one can never count on anything gettin' done right and being on point.




Clearly, this crew of cats celebrating their event somewhere in Saudi Arabia has it all going on.


Fashion, functionalty, and firepower can all be artfully combined to realize the vision and passion of the day you've always dreamed of. Really, it's all about how you accessorize in the end.

Bottomline, don't let the prospect of a little geopolitical instability ruin your perfect day in paradise. Ladies, just step up, Lean In, and "pack" accordingly for your destination wedding and the "climate" at hand.

"War is hell" and some, let alone many, say marriage is too, several years on. But don't let the glory of wedding day be ruined by subpar preparation. Even if you can't afford to hire the likes of Max from Credenhill and a coterie of his ilk, you can manage well enough on your own in most cases with LOTS of friends and family.


The seemingly omnipotent NRA would undoubtedly bless all this, no matter where your special day is, be it Throckmorton, Texas; Tagtabazar, Turkmenistan; Tabuk; Timbuktu; Tecacahuaco; Thiruvananthapuram; Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein, or Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu. Yeah, I know, go put that mouthful of places in your pipe and smoke 'em.

Some stuff in the world just seems to transcend the barriers of culture and language, kinda just like love. Geez, you got BNB getting all mushy and sentimental here.


That's what this single hombre kat traveling the world for weddings has to say on the matter.



What was behind the saying, "Trust, but verify," that local Justice of the Peace, Stephen Glenroy Adams, employed on the couple during their tropical island paradise wedding ceremony, when there was pushback on his probing line of questioning.

Our main man Ronald Reagan may have been the one to make it famous in English as the Cold War was slowly coming to a close, but it was actually a Russian proverb, as taught to him by Suzanne Massie. She and he both done good over time with that one it seems.

The original version was a favorite of Vladimir Lenin back in his day, so maybe the two are not that far apart after all. cheeky


It sure sounds way better in Russian, and rhymes to boot. If you really want to be on it and impress folks, you can take a quick lesson in Russian from this rap cat, Roos (2RG), on how to pronounce it properly, "doveryai no proveryai," as this gangsta rap ditty repeats many a time (like on Teletubbies), just so you get it down right.


Yo, your ass don't need to be knowing no Russian neither to figure out what be going down here in said video. It ain't rocket science, Corky.

доверяй, но проверяй

Today, in an instant fulfillment world where just about anybody can trumpet anything, and it can be rebroadcast ad infinitum in seconds to become "gospel," it's just a reminder that sometimes just because something is said , and repeated enough, doesn't mean it's necessarily true. That goes especially as it concerns politicians and government, be it at the municipal, state/provincial, and national levels.

And, just like our good friend and drinking buddy, Raygun Ronnie, replied back to his newly minted BFF, Mikhail Gorbachev, back in the day, I use it a lot, because "I like it."


Simple words to increasingly live by in today's complicated world, where it's easier than ever to pull the wool over folks' eyes, because everyone is too busy and hurried to check the details on stuff, and doesn't want to spend more than two seconds on anything.

It's a real practical saying, employable in everyday life, be it at work, play, with friends, enemies, and even at home with your spouse / partner too. If you were a naysayer, you may think it means taking things to the extreme of not really trusting anybody, but that's up to you as to how far it needs to be taken and interpreted. It always depends on the specific situation at hand and the folks you're dealing with, Bobbolin(o/a).


Still an oldie, but a goodie, even if you're just some single stumblebum dude hitting weddings all around the world.



Subject: Paperback Giveaway on Goodreads
(Posted on Jun 23, 2014 at 09:51AM ) Tags:
Enter to win a signed paperback copy of Wedding Chronicles on Goodreads. Free sign-up and contest entry.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wedding Chronicles by Bob N. Boguslavski

Wedding Chronicles

by Bob N. Boguslavski

Giveaway ends July 21, 2014.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win
Subject: Wedding Chronicles Trade Paperback Now Available
(Posted on Jun 20, 2014 at 04:26PM ) Tags:
Wedding Chronicles is now available in 5.5" x 8.5" trade paperback format from Amazon internationally.

This is in addition to its original e-book formats (Kindle, Apple iBooks, B&N Nook, and Kobo)

See Get The Book for country specific website link details.


Subject: Tenerife #18 - What's in your glass?
(Posted on Jun 10, 2014 at 10:02AM ) Tags:
Perplexed by that ages-old glass that is half-full versus half-empty conundrum? Decisions, decisions.


It always depends on how you wanna look at stuff, ain't it? Optimsim and pessimism are just states of mind. Attitude is what counts.


Just as Dudley Steele scolded Billy Brant and "Student" Grant Lipman pooside at the villa in Tenerife, the day after his bachelor bash dished him a raging hangover, always ask your friendly neighborhood barkeep to pour you another one. Unless your're getting bad pours, that should usually fix it.


And if/when the beer runs out, switch to something else.


Whether your thinking runs left, right, middle of the road, or upside down, it doesn't matter. There's always an answer for that too, even if you're a more cerebral science- and math-minded type.


And as our good friend and drinking buddy, The Most Optimistic Man in the World, always has a pository spin on things, here is an apropos vignette on a matter of note sure to make a splash in our world at some point down the road.


Remember, as Bobby Bo likes to always say as a rule in life:

Think Pository = Negatory Suppository

At the end of the day, forget all that pseudo-intellectual philosophical crap, and just shout "Uno mas!" When the beer runs out, no whine, switch to wine, shots or whatever else may be lying around. It's all perspective.

And when you tire of this talk of glasses in various states of relative fill, maybe "Think green" and go smoke some weed or sumpin' for yet another different take.

Subject: Westport #94 - Whaddup with Whiskey vs. Whisky?
(Posted on Jun 4, 2014 at 03:34PM ) Tags:
So what is it all about when you see that word spelled both ways, with or without 'e' in there? Supposedly a logic to it all drives that, but it is not always adhered to it seems. Go figure. Kinda like with a lot of things in the world.

As mentioned in the book, it is dependent on where the drink comes from, but many times, in practice, folks just spell it the way they want, based on what part of the world they are from. This includes writers and copy editors alike.

First, here's the Wikpedia skinny of what a whisky / whiskey is, to begin with. As for 'correct' spelling, there seems to have been a rethink on this the last few years though. This fine piece on The Kitchn goes into good detail on the whole matter, and settles on the following rule (going by country of origin, and what is on the bottle label):

- E in country name (e.g., United States / America and Ireland), then spell it whiskey,
and the plural as whiskeys.

- No e in country name (e.g., Canada, Scotland, Japan, Australia, Finland, and India),
then spell it whisky, and the plural as whiskies.

Note how the dueling plural forms of the word can further bamboozle folks. Overall though, Bob digs this simple rule and it makes complete sense by what it says on the bottle.

But then, Germany, England, and Wales had to come along and $%@* that up and spell it whisky nonetheless with their own products. So much for what makes sense in the world.


When using the term generically, go ahead and write it anyway you want, depending on where you are in the world, and your audience, as long as you are consistent. The venerable NY Times Dining column used to try and do that per here through late 2008, but then seems to have capitulated to the newer thinking here in early 2009. Hey, shit happens. Deal with it and move on is the motto to follow.

These older chaps below, earlier on, went and messed the spelling up with their rendition of the word as whuskey in song.

Red Ingle and the Natural Seven singing "Cigareetes, Whuskey, and Wild, Wild, Women" (1948)
The Muppet Show (special guest Peter Sellers), season 2, episode 18, original airing Feb. 25, 1978

Words of wisdom for the ages, unless you want to nail the trifecta, pardon the pun. There are many versions of this song, but the two here were mentioned in the book, in my conversation with Pops di Tomaso and his favorite rendition. There was no debate either back then about whether it was whuskey or whusky. That was for wussies, no doubt.

As for any other countries making the spirit that may or may not adhere to that rule, you can check that out, one by one, on Malt Madness if you have mucho mas time on your hands, and looking for something new to sip on.

A place like Thailand and its whiskies adhere to the spelling rule, but those tipples are not actually officially deemed a whisky to begin with, per this 2011 Intoxicated Abroad posting and the Wiki definition above. BNB very much digs our main man Matt's slogan, "Life's too short to be sober at home." It's way better to be some single guy abroad, be it at weddings, or on other (mis)adventures cum vacations.

Like many things in life, best not to think about stuff too much, and just go friggin' do it. And then, I suppose as long as the bartender knows what to pour, then you are golden. I end this post with a nifty little infographic on whisk(e)y to mull while sippin' sumpin' smoooooove.


Cheers, and bottoms up, Bobbolin(o/a)!

Subject: Iceland #71 - Pondering Phallological Pursuits
(Posted on May 22, 2014 at 08:47AM ) Tags:
So you're in Iceland for a wedding, and there's definitely lots to see and do in country, with not nearly enough time to take it all in, especially if you're a fan of the great outdoors, natural wonders, flora, and fauna. There are many unique elements to experience, but something cultural to put at the top of everyone's "to do" list here is to check out the Icelandic Phallological Museum.


Yep, you got it. The place looks like some lair where Lorena Bobbitt would ditch, preserve, and exhibit her treasure trove post Bobbitization spree(s). It's a spot that would no doubt give her ex, John Wayne Bobbitt, the creeps, after what he went through at her angry hand (and knife) back on June 23, 1993, a day the lads need to remember. Here's the overview on all that.


Given our Ecuadorian gal's inspiration and capably demonstrated experience, she might well qualify as a capable curator in Iceland, although she may prefer the field work angle.

Founded in 1997 by Sigurður Hjartarson, it was originally located in Reykjavík, and then moved to much more remote Húsavík in 2004, but relocated more conveniently back to downtown Reykjavík the last couple years. The museum houses a wide array of that memorable member of mammalian malehood (and related bits and bobs), from the massive, to the medium, and on down to the microscopic. Bob would show you the hamster one, but some say it needs a magnifying glass at just 2 mm (or 0.0787402 inches) in length.


For the longest time since opening, the museum was missing one all-important exhibit--that which came straight from mandom. But, happily for all, and complete satisfaction, this glaring omission was resolved and here's the skinny on it in this insightful trailer for The Final Member.


It doesn't end there folks, cuz, like, there's always something bigger and better just around the corner, as all the ladies know. There will one day be forthcoming an even greater donation from the mass of mandom out there, and from Manhattan, no less. So much for everything being bigger in Texas. This recent HuffPo piece speaks to Jonah Falcon's pledge to give to the cause one day down the road, when he passes on. It will be a good replacement for the current donation there as the piece explains.

At the end of the day, the museum is definitely NOT a typical place on most folks' tourism itineraries, even if you are some well-traveled single guy hitting weddings all over the world. As they like to say there, "It's all about dicks."


ICELAND, an awesome place that's on the map for many kool reasons, and getting all studious on things phallological is just one of them. When done there, some of the ladies may get all thirsty for a refreshment.


Photo of enthusiasitc founder Sigurður Hjartarson outside the old Húsavík museum location

Bob's ass be pulling no punches deep inside the trenches of global wedding tourism adventures as some single guy.


Subject: Barcelona #62 - Cookin' Cucu in Cugat
(Posted on May 17, 2014 at 02:57PM ) Tags:
So, you find yourself on your way to some outdoor wedding ceremony in Sant Cugat del Vallès outside Barcelona, sitting on a bus (or motor coach if you wanna be fancy pants about it) with other guests. You're killing some time in your mind, and wondering about the origins of the place, its name, and what was up with all that trying to get rid of some cat called St. Cucuphas way back in the daze of antiquity. The place ended up being named after him (initially, it was Castrum Octavianum) because of what happened next.

Well, it seems the Roman prefect at the time was going a tad creative with trying to get rid of our man. Judging by the following 3-step process, you'd think like maybe, somebody was going to consume our cat Cucu once he was deemed "ready."

1) Tenderize - Get a dozen soldiers to soften him up by whipping him, and then tear up his skin with nails and scorpions. Inspired
2) Marinate - cover him with vinegar and pepper. Creative kitchen
3) Cook - Roast him alive. Wuz it low 'n slo'? Dunno.

But something miraculous seemed to happen, and our man Cucu escapes death and injury per the tale. Hmmm, the prefect has a rethink on things, deciding to have a really BIG bonfire made and burn him up. Ooopsy, next thing you know, something backfires, and his executioners all die in the flames, but Cucu's okay. Righto.

The prefect has him thrown back in his cell, and then softened up some more with iron whips this time around. Presto majesto, said prefect mysteriously went up in flames in his carriage by divine intervention or sumpin' like that. Lesson learned, and his replacement decides to keep things really basic and has our man finally done in the old fashioned way by having his throat slit. See, keeping it straightforward and not trying to get fancy worked just fine in the end.

Painting: The Martyrdom of St. Cucuphas, (Public Domain)
Ayne Bru (1504-07 estimated)

And that's the way it supposedly went down for our man Cucuphas back in AD 304 during the Diocletianic Persecution.

Now, as a take away point, you generally don't see girlfolk messing around with making things complicated for no good reason. Case in point was these two women deciding to take out a "player" back in March 1881. In this fine recounting, our man Francisco "Chico" Forster, 40, was sleeping around under the guise of marriage promises when he got his sorry ass caught out in L.A. Here's some more detail on all that.

Our slighted gal, 18 at the time (guess FCF was goin' younger), just popped him straight through the eye with a pistol shot. Ba-Blam! No messing around entertaining more sophisticated torture approaches a la Roman prefect earlier in history per above.

Image: Twoons.com | 2009

Then, as a huge bonus, and no doubt benefiting from a crack legal team, our girl Lastania Abarta gets off employing a defense of "female hysteria."


Go figure. Alas, the ladies can no longer plop that ploy away for potential recycling down the road when there is a need to get rid of your man, whether he be cheatin', or not. Said medical condition was taken off the books as this informative video points out.


All BNB can say, as some simpleton single chappie out there attending weddings all over the place, is a man gots to stay on his toes. Sometimes, reaching deep for knowledge is needed to remedy what ails, just like our man Dr. Swift here below, and the tale of his special treatment for female hysteria.


Super Entertaining Read

Bob's adventures in the world of weddings are close to home - for anyone who either is married, been married or contemplating marriage! Beautifully described, with background music to boot, Bob's sometimes offbeat stories, keen wit and fine observations kept me engaged, laughing and sometimes even squirming as I recognized my own experiences in his tellings.

I read the book over a period of time - the stories are individually entertaining and you don't lose the thread as the characters and stories develop. Highly recommended, an easy and entertaining read.

Rating: 5 / 5 *

Original Posting: Neville Chamberlain | May 12, 2014 | Source Link: Amazon.CA


So what was that drink that took out Dr. LoveSexy the night before the wedding in Jordan, and gave him a big hangover the next day?

Arak is a well-known, anise-flavored spirit distilled from grapes that is consumed all over the Middle East. It is usually accompanied with food, just as it was with the fine open-air mezze dinner on the shores of the Dead Sea. The drink does a great job of clearing the palate, even better than wine.


A lot more on how it is made can be found here in this Wiki piece. This Economist article from 2003 goes on about the history of the drink, the Arab invention of distillation, and other drinks related to Levantine arak like pastis, ouzo, sambuca, raki, mastika, and absinthe, and others. Note the arak in the Middle East, should not be confused with the drink of similar name arrack (and sometimes even the same spelling) in South East Asia that is NOT related at all, has no anise in it, and is coconut, sugarcane, or grain derived.

The process by which this clear spirit turns cloudy white when it is mixed with water is called louching. Basically, the anise oil which is colorless in the alcohol, emulsifies when the water is added, and presto, the drink transforms to its milky color as this short video shows.


Arak is usually served in a shorter glass with some ice already in it, and mixed with water thereafter, in a 1:2 ratio.


Maybe it wasn't just the arak that knocked things out of the box for Dr. LoveSexy, but perhaps the combination of beer, sucking on the hookah / shisha pipe, and any other alcohol that, collectively in combination, may have been the culprit for his hangover the next day and putting him in need of some serious greasy food as a cure. In any event, right or wrong, as a scapegoat perhaps, Bob claimed that "Haddad haddid him in."

The brand being consumed by all that night was Haddad, a local Jordanian brand made by Eagle Distilleries Co. that was established in 1953, and one of the first companies in the country (number three actually) licensed to manufacture alcohol.


When you're some single guy hitting weddings all over the world, it pays to be open, flexible and chillaxed about the food and drink going down around you. It's all part of the fun and experience of different cultures and traditions.

In any event, no matter where you are, or what you are drinking, it's all about the "Cheers!" or fe sahetek / fi sahitak in Arabic [say Figh sa hee' tik], or literally "to your health." This handy table lists the greeting in 60 languages.