funny wedding books novel amazon.com Wedding Chronicles Bob N. Boguslavski
Some things in life, you don't need to necessarily experience to know enough to stay away from altogether, like, erhm, say sumpin' like anal electrocution.

Illustration Credit: Bobbissimo

Or when someone who has been there already with some life experience,usually suffering for it, and offers up some deep and heartfelt advice. One needs to remember that stuff for future reference. You just know from the way they said it, that they have lived it, and it's sooooo true. Those kernels of wisdom doled out from time to time most certainly apply to marriage. Stay alert and focused to pick up on these gems when they come across your radar.

Way back when, when Bob was a teen, he got some of that type of insight from Lulu as recounted in the book, when Bob asked him what it was like to be married 42 years. Tough to follow and fathom when you've just turned 18 at the time, and he's 63. His reply was short (at only six words total, and two words were each used twice to boot, for added effect). Bob's still ain't no closer to getting married after all these years, but he knows that Lulu's words ring really true. Lulu had it going on, when it came to life lessons like that.

Here are a few more tips for all the married fellas out there, on how to navigate those perilous waters with longterm success. Learn from your other shackled comrades in arms and their past faux pas and serious speed bumps they have experienced along the way. We guys can all learn!

This guy knows what he's doing for sure in this sweet little clip, and it all sounds so much better and credible with a posh British accent.


Then there's the scoop on all the poop when a guy is thrown into the proverbial doghouse by da Boss in his life for having a crack moment or brief lack of focus with disastrous consequences.


Tim Hawkins has a fine singing version chocka blocka of good advice for all the married fellas out there.


There are always those simple but highly effective tips humanity can borrow from the animal kingdom. This one is a classic around out there on the Web for several years now in various locations, but it still presses home the message effectively.

SINGLE


MARRIAGE


DIVORCE


MARITAL BLISS

So, at the end of the day, why would any (soon-to-be) married guy listen to all this marriage knowledge / experience coming from some still-single guy who has spent a lot of his time, effort and $$$ going to weddings all around the world? Well, as the ever-astute Dr. LoveSexy once said, "Yo, I ain't had no safe fall on my head yet either, but I know it would hurt."

You can bank on that for sure.




Subject: Montreal #12 - Hockey, Politics + Language
(Posted on May 7, 2014 at 04:11PM ) Tags:
Two things that haven't changed with Bob's hometown since childhood, have been the city's devoted following of les Habs / Canadiens (especially now that they're in the second round of the playoffs battling it out with the Beantown Bruins, another place he knows well) and provincial level politics with its discussion / debate around Quebec's (potential) separation from the rest of Canuckistan.

It was the case when Bob was a kid, and again at the time of the opening wedding of the novel back in 1987, and just as true today decades later. The talk of an independent Quebec may be quiet now for a couple years given the election outcome a month ago today, but it will be back again no doubt one day. It just sort of seems to take a break every now and again, to regroup and rear its head once more. But both topics can always be a good excuse for a sprited discussion at a wedding, or any other event for that matter

Bob might be out of Quebec a long time now, and cross-polinated (or polluted, if you prefer), by many other countries and cultures, but on the plus side, he can still get a fix of maple syrup, poutine, and a smoked meat sandwich as needed, but not necessarily all at the same time though (which you really won't be getting at any wedding), and he certainly doesn't miss winters out East in Montreal anymore either.


Then there's one of his local flavor favorites on the humor side that has emerged in Têtes à claques (TaC), which has been around now since August 2006. It was all originally in French (still the best version by far if you can understand the language), but there are quite a few sketches that have been translated into English and Spanish too. However, for full effect, one can't beat the original ones for their authentic local Québecois accent, which bemuses many folks in France and other countries in the French-speaking world.

Here's one TaC sketch in French with English subtitles, so those that don't speak the language can pick up on the local Quebec French accent and still follow along otherwise.


This cat Obsesik does a good job on breaking down the difference between how French speakers in Quebec and France sound like when speaking English.


And this gal Julie Supastar doles out a good basic primer on how to speak some of the more important local French words in Quebec, handy for any tourist or Bruins visit to Montreal and La Belle Province, be it for a wedding, hockey game, or otherwise. Just generally useful everyday French 101 stuff going on here.


And as regards the outcome of the current Montreal - Boston NHL series, kinda just like with the fate of marriage longterm, as they say in Spanish, "vamos a ver lo que pasa," or we'll see what happens. Bob ain't got no crystal ball or nothing, since he's just some single bozo bumpkin attending weddings all over the place. C'est beau, c'est bon.

Subject: London #15 - Thirteen (13)
(Posted on Apr 28, 2014 at 11:40AM ) Tags:
Is thirteen an unlucky number? I guess it depends who you ask, and where in the world you are. This Wikipedia entry covers it off well from both sides of the coin, but it sure looks like this number remains largely viewed as being more unlucky rather than lucky.

This Straight Dope piece from 1992 delves into the matter a little more, pretty much solidifying the take that 13 is really not gonna be your friend most of the time.

In the interest of fairness to the overall debate, and covering both sides, here's a little more on why some state 13 can be your friend and not a foe. Some think the symbolic presence of 3 in there from a numerology perspective makes it all good and positive. Plus the preceding 1 is good too on its own, and putting them together means there is some greatness in union, and it's a prime number to boot. Here's some more on this thread posting on the positive aspects of 13 worth mulling as well.



Apart from the background above, it boiled down to just one of those little things I noticed, while sitting in a church for a wedding, and looking around a bit to kill some time, and then spot the church organ pipes as below.


Yo, what was up with that? Who would build 13 pipes on an organ ? Maybe for Sunday services, it may fly and not matter, but one is sure a few getting-married folks may well notice that, and perhaps be a little spooked by it.

This wedding happened way back in 1991, but I was recently curious to find out who built this puppy. Turns out it was put in back in 1908 by Bishop and Son in the UK, which has a history dating to 1795. Bob will ask them why thirteen pipes on this sucker they apparently built and see if they come back with an answer. Maybe it was all just pure coink-e-dink, or limited by budgetary reasons on the part of the church at the time, like they only had enough do$h cum dinero for the 13-pipe version, and not a pipe more, or sumpin' like that.

Additional church pictures of St. Nicholas in Shepperton (interior and exterior) can be found here. The stained glass windows looked nice enough, and the appreciation thereof at the time certainly may have had a helping hand by all the pints the lads consumed before the ceremony.

More pictures of the wedding day's venues at the pub, church, reception, and in and around the Greater London area can be found on this Pinterest Board.

Last but not least, this couple got divorced in 2008. They lasted a long time, at 17 years (beyond our unlucky 13 subject), but not "forever" and whatever that is supposed to mean in this day and age where our average life expectancy has pretty much doubled from the point when these vows were created iand put into practice in the first place.

It would be neat to try and get some church statistics over the years to see how many couples married in this church got divorced over time, as compared to the norm locally or in the UK in general, and see if the numbers reveal something significant regarding 13 pipes on the organ being a factor (or not) in long-term marriage success. One could then use that as a bellwether for 13 being lucky or unlucky, in that limited sense only.



Subject: Cancun #25 - Hell in Mexico
(Posted on Apr 26, 2014 at 07:54PM ) Tags:
What's in a name, especially, when it's Hell?

Painting: An image of Hell, with some angel leading a soul into the party, in the style of Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch, and likely done by some Italian punter (oil on wood, circa 16th century).

Supposedly, that "hot spot" has several characteristics, and certainly many names (to describe its multiple facets), judging by this here interesting and informative Islamic piece alone. Call it what you will, be it Jaheem, Jahannam, Lazaa, al-Sa'eer, Saqar, al-Hatamah and/or al-Haawiyah, but it takes on a whole new dimension when you're down in Cancun, mid-winter, with your girlfriend, and fighting daily about anything and everything on what is otherwise supposed to be an awesome tropical vacation getaway.

Okay, so we took a break from sparring on Valentine's Day, just for optics, praise be Allah.

Regardless of what was going on with our personal relationaship at the time, bottomline, we were there for a wedding and had to suck it up, be nice, and make like we were a tight couple.

Here's how Bob's mindset at the time made that day in paradise for the couple come out and seem, at least upside his head. Go figure.


Nice work here by the way. Diggin' that whole Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead in Ingreesch) look, even if that doesn't really come around in reality until Halloween in the rest of North A-merry-ka, and we were there in February.

By the end of that trip, Bob and her had split up, but the couple married that day back in 1996 are still trucking along just fine. Maybe all that tequila on the day/night of helped a lot long term.

Despite my whole "go to destination wedding with Swedish girlfriend and break up" domestic strife siutation at the time, the wedding was set against a dazzling beach backdrop in Cancun and the area around it on the Mayan Riviera, as this Pinterest Board attests to with some great photos (all of which are NOT his cuz like, Bob didn't own a cameria). This was all well before the day of mobile smartphones and tablets with hi-res, built-in, on-board cameras.

The wedding, coupled wirh the GF split, all made for one of the more memorable and unique wedding experiences in Bob's life, as some single stumblebum hitting matrimonial events worldwide.


Subject: Wedding Chronicles - Location Photos on PInterest
(Posted on Apr 20, 2014 at 10:18AM ) Tags:
Wedding Chronicles is a novel about some single guy's global wedding travels and humorous misadventures, plus a whole lot more.

There are no pictures as a formal part of the tale for each event in the book, but there are Pinterest boards to paint the international wedding backdrops. They feature the specific places, surrounding areas, actual venues and other cultural elements like the food and booze that formed a part of the trip.

There are boards for all thirteen weddings in this first instalment of the eventual trilogy. They visually dive into the exotic locations in the book, from Tenerife, Cancun, Santiago, Mustique, and Hawaii, to Amman, Barcelona, Iceland, and Singapore among them. Additional photos are being added continuously in drip fashion to fill the boards out even more.

Visit Bob's Pinterest page to check it all out, by clicking on the following icon...

Note that these aren't Bob's photos. He has only slapped them all together up there in a scrapbook / album fashion. When one isn't into photography and rarely takes photos, reliance is placed on others' photography talent to convey what is desired. Good thing there's no shortage of that out there on zee "Interweb."


Subject: Barcelona #62 - When Storms Happen
(Posted on Apr 16, 2014 at 05:23PM ) Tags:
After all those weddings over the years, there have only been a handful where the weather didn't cooperate, and even fewer when one was outside at the time and Mother Nature was keen to show who's da Boss.


On that late afternoon back in May 2002 in the mountains of Sant Cugat del Vallès outside the city, the memory of the storm that descended on the outdoor wedding ceremony sticks out to this day. The weather changed for the worse really quickly, the skies darkened, and we were all a little in awe at how intense the rain, hail, thunder and lightning got, all perfectly timed of course for the ceremony, peaking with the couple's vows. We were surprised again at how fast it all went away and the sun came out thereafter. Throughout, the couple were really calm, and seemed completely unfazed by it all. There was a METAL roof over our heads (nice for attracting lightning strikes), but the sides were all open air, allowing for the wind to whip the rain and hail into the left side of the seating area.

This completely separate video shot here on an August 2008 evening shows what things can get like in Barcelona in terms of electrical storms. Keep in mind that the wedding that afternoon was in the hills where all the lightning happens here in this video, so we really felt like we were in the thick of things.


The storm's impression certainly made for a memorable experience overall on that day, but it was all quickly put behind us when the sun came out and bottles of cava were being cracked open in volume.

Overall, Barcelona's an awesome place, and Bob always felt blessed to have been able to live there for two years of school between 1991 - 1993 and get to experience a good deal of all that the city and its surrounding areas have to offer, incluidng some spectacualr electrical storms.

While the wedding on this day was just outside the city proper, I have been to four others there in or around the core that will be covered off in future chronicles in the trilogy.

If you have never been to BCN, maybe the aluure of these two highlight videos will tempt you to put it on your own bucket list.


Hilarious, clever and unique!

A hilarious and well written read. Through the life milestone of a series of weddings, Bob Boguslavski, the colourful narrator, takes us on a journey through time and culture, immersing us in the climate of each of his settings. Through his interactions, beginning when he is young, Bob introduces us to a group of lively characters, friends and guests, and these people affect and reflect the man we come to know.

We get to eavesdrop on Bob's conversations as he cleverly and lightly pokes fun at the concept of marriage and provides insightful social commentary. We have all been to weddings. Boguslavski gives us a new and unique perspective. His witty, gritty, and direct style will appeal to both men and women. Read this book. You will laugh yourself silly. Bob is not yet ready to settle down. I look forward to hearing more from him.

Rating: 5 / 5 *

Original Posting: Ben11222 | April 06, 2014 | Source Link: Apple iBooks (CA)
I really wanted to like this book because the author provided it to me for free and was very nice about it, but I just found it painfully boring. It was trying to be a sort of sociological look into weddings in different cultures, but it didn't really provide any insight into those cultures, it just showed you dull conversations that happened to occur at those weddings. It was also trying to tell some interesting wedding related stories, and it failed at doing that too.

I also got really annoyed by the borderline asinine level of detail provided about each wedding that the author couldn't possibly have remembered (exact number of guests, as an example) and which no one cares about anyway. He references people that you don't know as if you do, and generally just writes way, WAY too much. There's potential for the book to be decent if it were tightened up a LOT, but until about 50% is cut out, it's just too clunky. I couldn't finish it.

Rating: 1 / 5 *

Original Posting: Arielle | April 01, 2014 | Source Link: Goodreads
Subject: Hawaii #54 - Celebrity Cross-match
(Posted on Mar 29, 2014 at 03:02PM ) Tags:
Wade Roe laid out the rules pretty plainly for his favorite L.A. bar game, Celebrity Cross-match, in that chapter. Okay, maybe it's a little obvious he was named after Roe v. Wade, so that one wasn't much of an Easter Egg after all, but it may have slipped by a few folks.

As Wade saw it, the game was much more fun and challenging than a more typical, and boring, random celebrity spotting in and around L.A. This variant required a little more quick-on-your-feet thinking and some imagination. Per his decree in the book, any twofold hybrid worked that best fit a target's description, be it a same-sex or male-female fusion. The odd triple-mix combination was rarely permitted, as were easy dead ringer solo shots, but they were not mainstay.

In this small way, everybody was a celebrity, and if everybody was a celebrity, then nobody was a celebrity.

Sounds simple enough, but let's put theory into practice. Here are a few examples with characters taken from that very wedding chapter, as this easily distracted single guest's mind was prone to wandering all over the place.

1) The bride that day, Ku'ene Penelope Makamae Pe Ts'ai Fook Chang Kaneaiakala, was Anne Hathaway meets Joan Chen. Whaddup with her crazy-ass long name too?



2) Her Mom, Paula, was Imelda Marcos crossed with Ann B. Davis of The Brady Bunch TV series fame.



3) Dad, Eala, mashed up Gregory Peck with Herman Wedemeyer (Duke, on the original Hawaii Five-O series). Note for all you detail sticklers, the original series was named with the letter "O" in the title, and the current modern-day resurrection uses the number zero "0" for sly and subtle differentiation.




4) Wade Roe was a younger Christopher Lee meets Ben Affleck.



5) Best man Isaiah Washington was pegged as Morris Chestnut morphed with Ving Rhames.



6) And, saving the best for last, perhaps Wade#39;s sharpest shot ever, from one night long ago at James' Beach, in Venice, CA, was a Carrot Top (aka Scott Thompson) fused with Kenny G combinaton sighted across the room from where we were hanging out nursing cocktails along.



And, if you're bored or have a little idle time on your hands, you can morph and muck about on your own at MorphThing.com.

Every now and again, if it fits, some folks get by with a pure-play, solo shot, like Jock Finn doubling for Rob Schneider. And that's the real deal.

Subject: Wedding Chronicles Giveaway
(Posted on Mar 24, 2014 at 11:44AM ) Tags:
NOW CLOSED Sign up at The Book Landers blog for a Wedding Chronicles giveaway drawing.

Enter fast and free for a chance to win a US$20 Amazon Giftcard or one of five ebook copies of the novel.

The drawing closes Sunday March 30, 2014 at 23:59 EDT / 20:59 PDT (North America time zones)