bobnboguslavski.com Blogs - News
Showing posts for tag funny debut novels (Back to Index)
Bookmark and Share
Pages: 123 | Next >
You know it's there, and it will come and bite a man's ass whenever and wherever. So be on guard. Bob's talking about that there female intuition thing. It happens all the time. A guy can't get away with shit.

It's just like at this wedding, when Bob was a young’un back in 1987.

When I finally entered the room, Tanya spotted me, and immediately
came up to me. 


“Where have you been?” she said, arching her eyebrows. “You were
gone awhile.”

“Oh, I just grabbed some air outside, and had a chat with Mitchell.”

“What were you talking about for so long?”

“His, uh…, relationship with Laurie and where it was going, or not.” I said.

“You know, their whole on-again, off-again saga with all that major work
and drama.”

“Aha.” She gave me that all-knowing female look. She knew that I’d been
talking 
about other matters and that likely it related to us. You could never
figure out how they do that.


So just accept it's there, and the sooner your sorry ass understands that, and learns to operate within that paradigm, then the better for your male happiness and well-being in a relationship.

 
Here are a couple pieces on trying to explain it all, How A Woman's Intuition Is The Most Powerful Force There Is and this second piece with Women's intuition is biological: Lower exposure to testosterone in the womb gives females an extra 'sense'.


Our PhD gal, Audrey Nelson, spouts a somewhat sober and serious spiel on it. 
 

She’s correct and clinical in her approach, but it’s a little too intellectual for we simple stupid fellas. So here’s straight up Derrick Jaxn weighing in and also mixing in the "It's about trust" angle, and how it should be for the ladies and their men.


Comedian Billy Sorrells has a good go on this as well. 
 

They even make songs on this. There are many out there. Here’s a throwback 1986 disco soul pop number, from the Dutch side of the pond, with our gals Mai Tai.


It should be noted that this wedding actually happened 30 years back on June 20—a friggin’ long time ago! They’re still together, and we had a good laugh on the phone about it. An early day strategic text message from this side "reminded" hubby bud of their milestone, and saved him some grief no doubt. 

What makes marriage “work” over time (beyond just a few years) was covered off in this prior post on Long-term marriage, but here’s a quick and easy clue to assist with sussin’ shit out.


In the long haul, a guy deffo needs a sense of humor, cuz your sorry ass is gonna take that intuition (and other multi-faceted) punishment coming your way ... every friggin' day!!!! Here’s Billy Sorrells again with a small example of this, and being on the receiving end.


Bob’s digging his defeated “Just let me live, okay” at the close.


If you don’t have enough humor going on in life, or needs an escape from such relationship situations, find solace in this read as our single, quasi-antihero Bob gallivants about hitting weddings worldwide, dodging marriage bullets and trying his best not to let those female powers have full control beyond the 99.9% of the time they already do. 



You’re young and single at some wedding abroad, and things are fine, but then you get the drift that one of the two between bride and groom feels the need to “fix” things by playing matchmaker with your ass and some friend on the other side.

This tactic happens quite a bit as these  two pieces speak to with The 3 Questions To Ask Before You Play Matchmaker At Your Own Wedding and Why Your Wedding Is The Perfect Place To Play Matchmaker.


Sure, the odd blue moon fairytale lottery romance can strike as recounted in 10 Couples Who Met At A Wedding (Really!), but it's far from the norm, so let's go smoke another one, shall we? 


Getting back to Bob’s past situation in London, just before the ceremony, he got his first warning.

Jimmy McCracken sidled up alongside me, with Cory a step behind us. 
“Hey, Bobby, I hear that Bernadette is keen to set you up with her Aussie
friend, Jilli. You should go for it,” he said in his gravelly baritone.

Then in a car on the way to the reception the second warning shot is fired. 

“Bernie told me you are at our table, Bob,” said Tammy, changing the
subject. “And so is Jilli.” She turned her head with a simper to look at
me in the back.

“Sounds like something prearranged” I said warily, looking back at her.

Then, just before the reception meal, you still need to do that there “Trust, but verify” thing, which is ever so important, especially in this day and age with the super bogus crap they spin in "The News" to we sorry brainwashed (m)asses.

I checked the seating plan and made my way to the table. Bernadette
had indeed made sure that Jilli was assigned beside me. The fix was in.
Our round table of eight was an equal mix of friends from both sides.

 

Now, apart from going solo to a wedding to begin with, which has never bothered Bob in the least, it does seem to freak many a folk out, which is understandable.

For some, it's the pressure of being there alone to be harangued and harassed by friends and family on why you aren't settled down and married off yet. Or it could be about being in a big crowd and not knowing many (or sometimes even, anyone, apart from one of the wedding couple) there. Age, life (in)experience and personal insecurities also play a factor with one's level of (dis)comfort. It's all about attitude!


At this particular wedding just outside London back in ’91, Bob was kool with all of this, since his ass wasn’t even yet 30, and he's always been pretty relaxed about most shit out there. 

Others over the 30-year-old watershed seem to disagree, as outlined here from differing perspectives in The Minefield of Being Single at a Wedding,  Going To A Wedding Alone Doesn\t Have To Suck, and closing with This Is What I Learned from Going to Seven Weddings Alone.

Really, it all boils down to your mindset and eagerness, as our effervescent and enthusiastic gal recounts with Brtish aplomb in 21 easy breezy steps. 


More stuff happens in these solo situations as one gets older and crossing major life milestones, but let’s cover that shit off another time.

Going solo certainly opens the door for a wedding hookup. Everyone's relatively pre-vetted already, unless some uninvited individual(s) manage to surreptitiously grace the event. 


These two pieces elaborate further in When You're Single at a Wedding, It's ALL About Finding a Hot Hookup and the aftermath with What Really Happens After a Wedding Hookup. But hey, there ain't no real rules here. Make 'em up as you go along, depending on the situation. 
 

So, if your solo ass does indeed get lucky, here’s a handy dandy piece with suggestions on the 7 Best Places for a Discrete Wedding Reception Hookup. It's all about situational awareness in situ. 


If the intended romantic pairing strategy doesn't work out as preordained, and even if there’s no hookup action whatsoever, don't despair. Kick back, relax and enjoy yourself with another alco-pop and dancing, as this energetic and passionate guest displays with gusto. 


If you don't possess that there type A personality and gumption to make things happen on your own as above, chances are a there’s always the wild-card, anything-is-possible factor where other random mofos spontaneously take the event in new directions for you to behold firsthand. 
 

Ahh, such wedding memories will last a lifetime, even if those marriages don't quite make it nearly as long. 

If anyone is interested in knowing what transpired in London with Bob that night, and many other follow-on exotic events, tuck into his debut novel covering off some single guy’s worldwi(d/s)e wedding (mis)adventures. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.






Subject: Cancun #25 - Truth + Honesty
(Posted on Dec 9, 2016 at 04:30PM ) Tags:
There’s an old Chinese saying, "May you live in interesting times." Bob thinks we’re there right now, for many reasons. One facet therein is that what’s true and not, is becoming ever harder to discern, in part because there seems to be less regard to its importance to begin with. What may be more of a factor is to spin a good tale to capture ears and eyeballs, further a cause (phantom or otherwise), move the sheeple along a certain way, or win the day.

Perhaps truth and honesty are overrated, or at best, they need to be saved for a rainy day in a specific time window, for just five minutes, and only if it’s the fifth Tuesday of that month (that happens to fall on a Saturday). Then you will know it’s the real deal!

Sometimes, you just know one’s audience only wants to hear what they want to hear, like a long time ago at a winter tropical wedding where Bob was reflecting on occasions when one’s significant other will ask for a fashion opinion, as below. Some care needs to be taken with the reply, for one’s own health, and manhood bits and bobs, pardon the pun, lest one end up like John Wayne Bobbitt post Lorena's impromptu, impassioned, erhm, "surgery."

A fashion assessment was usually safely degrees away from the
dreaded-by-all-of-maledom “Do I look fat?” zinger, unless both elements
were combined in said female querying.
If a man knew what was good for
his well-being, never answer a chikita in the affirmative, or he was asking
for a world of hurt.
Spin some other line, like said negatory outfit was just
not flattering her form. Lying was standard operating procedure in this
circumstance, and the motherfucker who came up with “honesty is the
best policy” was lying, having a crack moment, or altruistically naïve
regarding the maxim’s applicability.

Maybe one doesn’t call it a lie, per se, instead preferring to call it "spinning an alternate reality," as marketing gurus advocate, or massage it as "porpoiseful [sic] misrepresentation." Maybe that adage was a covert way of saying it may be okay to stray from policy, as needed. The policy is there, but there’s nothing about adhering to it, akin to "Don't be evil," on the last post

Today, instead, we are faced with supposed “real” mainstream news you know is fake (covered here), and the war on more honest “fake” news that paints a completely different story. The latter is increasingly coming under pressure to be “filtered” and then ultimately outright censored / banned, because The Powers That Be don’t want us to know what's really going down.

But then, someone can tell the truth, and your sorry ass ain’t ready to fathom or understand it, or maybe it’s like in this classic scene from A Few Good Men.


Sometimes, the truth is right there in front of your eyes, and you just don't get it. 



Some say the truth is relative, or as gleaned from The Kybalion, pertaining to the Principle of Polarity, “all truths are but half-truths” (and one supposes, half-lies too). So, just kick back and say anything you want about anything, cuz, like, it seems to not matter one iota. 


Note how our gal Ayn clearly and plainly states “men" there. Could well be she damn skippy knew women don’t want to find, know, or hear the truth, if not ever, then at least not as it applies to situations dealing with stuff like fashion above and relationships, which is next up on deck.

The truth can also masquerade as humor or satire, as in this scene from the aptly named The Ugly Truth


Imagine if there was really truth and honesty in dating, as with these two on-point scenarios.


This is the way Bob dishes it out in his debut novel, as some single cat gallivanting around the world hitting other folks’ nuptials, be they friend, family or foe. If you want some laughs, and a little truth and honesty, sorta ... kinda ... maybe, about relationships and marriage, then tuck into this puppy.  No "secrets of the universe" kinda shit going on here.
 




We live in a world of dualities, with the classic good / evil polarity pair being but one, like hot / cold, large / small, and love / hate among others. Where does one pole or extreme end and the other start? It can be hard to determine sometimes, and other times, it might be much more clear.

The topic came up in discussion at a Middle East wedding years back, when one of Bob’s friends had been out there having some fun and frolic the night before, and a few others in the group may have been fast to judge said friend’s behavior on the matter.

“Well, it’s all relative. It wouldn’t be my style, but I don’t begrudge Pickett taking
advantage of a spontaneous opportunity. They made a grown-up choice. It’s the
way of the world—like them Booble boys and ‘don’t be evil.’”

“Thanks for the hall pass, Bob,” said Pickett, smiling. “I’ll sleep better tonight.”

“Hold on there, I’m not done. ‘Don’t be evil’ is nothing like ‘do good,’ which is more
proactive. It’s rather a bit more ambivalent—like, ‘lemme wait and see if I benefit
before I wade in.’ Or maybe, ‘by pausing, I can hinder things.’ Bad stuff can also
happen when nothing’s done, but no one was ‘evil’ per se. There’s a whole gray
spectrum between ‘doing good’ and ‘being evil.’
 
You know that stuff be truth, and folks be pullin' that kind of crap every single day of the week (and twice on a Sunday), be it for bidni$$ or in their personal lives. Here's a nice one on point from a few years back, but more relevant than ever. 


In some notional imaginary parallel universe cum altered reality, there’s a similar entity masquerading as Booble, but you should be able to figure it out. If not quite sure on how brands are spun here, Bob refers you to this prior post on the matter for an explanation.


Guess that them there Booble boys found the bar a little too high here, in terms of measuring up to exemplary ideals, so said mofos not only went and changed the corporate name back in 2015, but used it as convenient excuse to  do away with the tagline above, in favor of “Do the right thing.”

Does this mean they think our sorry sheeple asses will forgot it all? And for “who” are said mofos doing the right thing for—themselves—no doubt.  Damn skippy there! This nifty little A-to-Z corporate history primer here can fill in a few extra blanks for you, along with these additional pieces here and here.

Despite there being a lot of discussion on this matter of Booble being evil, the root word "boob," in and of ltself, singular, and/or plural (which is better), is most deffo not evil. The company logo proves it. Look long and hard here, Bobbolin(o/a). So....what;'s not to like?!
But they have this sneaky other logo that points to sumpin' more sinister going on. Others may dismiss it as being mere "coink--e-dink" of course. Let's smoke another one, shall we?

To go back to the whole duality and inseparability of good and evil, let's consider the sliding scale, and stay on the relative "bad" side. 


So, how evil is / was Booble, and how do they stack up to all the other evil going on out there in the world, uhm, like say Halloween and its origins, creepy clowns and other small shit like that?


But first, maybe you have to let it happpen to you and not do anything about it. Either that, or head it off at the pass before it gets there. 


Evil is relative, but then again, your relative might be evil too, especially if she’s your mother-in-law, like our exhibit below. 


N.B. / Major Friggin' Hint: Do NOT marry into this kind of situation, or your sorry ass will be hooked to a whole bunch of hurt and malice for years to come. 

Yo, sometimes that evil shit starts at an early age, and evolves to bigger and better over time. It’s like playing golf every day, and perfecting things over decades.


The initial kernels of genius are a genetic gift, just like with all other human capabilities, but they can be nurtured and refined to be made more powerful. Imagine the possibilities down the road with this pair.


Two future Booble execs here, or maybe they create their own realms, and take things to a whole new level of evil excellence. There be some serious Damien / Omen-esque stuff festering there. 

Regardless of your personal take on good versus evil, that, plus a whole boatload of witty observations and wry wisdom, as they apply to weddings, marriage thereafter and a cornucopia of other goodies, await to warp and twist your mind. It's all covered in Bob’s debut novel about his single-guy, nupital travel (mis)adventures abroad.



Subject: Barcelona #62 - Picking Partners Presciently
(Posted on Sep 17, 2016 at 09:54AM ) Tags:
We’ve all seen this situation before, if not perhaps experienced it firsthand. It’s when someone (or your own sorry ass) has a new partner, and it seems that new person is not liked by just about everyone.

It’s quite common that new love ain’t gonna be loved by all equally, right away, or ever. But, if said individual is reviled and despised by every single mofo—family, friend and foe alike, one should consider it a subtle hint. Ya think?! It seems that some of us will still continue the mad march to marriage, and dealing with the consequences thereafter. 

Bob’s ass was at a wedding in Barcelona, where there was no such issue at all with the couple of the moment, but he had been thinking about an email from a friend who had gone that route, and that got him thinking about some others he knew of in that predicament. Case in point,

There will always be some people on one or even both sides, who may not like
one partner for whatever reason, but everybody speaking in unison just cannot
be wrong. Not that either partner was
unmensch or shit like that, it was more that
they were not meant for each other, and that portended disaster. Most won’t  listen
in that situation; love made you blind, or you secretly knew and doggedly pressed
on regardless.

All (and Bob means every last one) of this other cat’s friends and family had pleaded with him to drop his bride to be, right down to the day of the big event. He forged ahead regardless and was divorced a year later.

Sometimes, the match is just otherwise bad to begin with, and it doesn’t even take very long for shit to slip sideways, as seen here in Russia on wedding day itself. 


Here’s another white wedding interlude with a completely different slant from China.



These  are definitely not lone or anomalous experiences. Many folks don't sort their stuff straight before leaping into one of life’s biggest commitments, only to be perhaps blindsided later on, if a caustic, misaligned or unbalanced pairing right from the get go isn’t enough. Maybe what's needed is just thinking a wee bit about your "forever" partner beforehand, knowing what they're really about and if a good fit for the long haul. 


For many, the "be all end all" of marriage is having kids. But perhaps, that may also require a little thought on the pros and cons, and if you're hooked up with the right person. Think you’re ready? Try this amusing parent test from a few years back in the UK.

And then, even if you pick your better half wisely, and jump through all the early stage gates and hoops unscathed, replete with seals of approval from both sides of the fence, years later, what with kids and daily family life, things may well turn out like this below anyway.


Ahhh technology, making lives easier and better, even for daily domestic debate and discourse with your loved ones.

But don’t despair, if you find yourself in such a marriage predicament. Depending on where you are in the world, divorce may not be a fast and easy option for many reasons, but there are always other "approaches" to said situation, as nicely outlined here


Problem solved, and now you’re free to shuffle off casually to the next bad relationship in your life. Note said solution need not be limited to the Philippines either. If you dont want to risk doing this on home turf, plan a vacation abroad in some sun-drenched paradise where local "professional labor" skills are a bargain. More proof Bob is an international, out-of-the--box creative thinker to everyday problems. Borrowing from Canuckistani politcos, past and present, "Sunny ways my friends. Sunny ways."

Maybe it's all about perspective, separating reality from illiusions, and seeing the bigger picture.

 


Above all, Bob believes in keeping shit in life simple, and to really distill the important crap down to its core. Cuz, like if you pick poorly, it’s all downhill from there, and just a matter of time before stuff goes sideways and ultimately collapses.


And if you feel you don’t have enough sample size or actual "in the field" insights about this, feel free to tuck into Bob’s debut novel. You'll see how this stuff shakes out for real, as witnessed at others’ weddings the world over, through his own eyes and personal interactions be they good, bad, or ugly, but always funny and on point.

The price of entry could sure as shit save your sorry ass some grief and Benjamin$ down the road, and provide a few kernels of wisdom straight from the trenches of modern marriage warfare.



Subject: Santiago #30 - Illuminati(on)
(Posted on Aug 2, 2016 at 11:20AM ) Tags:
So one is out there living life in the rat race, and over time, it slowly dawns on your sorry ass that stuff in the world  really doesn’t seem to work the way they say it does. You start spending time questioning stuff, and doing a little digging, and then you incrementally shine some added light on the darker, hidden corners of the world. Not that it’s lying buried deep, but more hidden in plain sight, amidst all the background noise of distractions and events supposedly happening out there.


And you won’t see or read about any of it in the mainstream news, a topic previously covered here. This stuff is also NOT taught in school either, because they definitely don’t want folks to figure it out, as George Carlin nicely summarizes at a high level.


As set in the book, Bob’s just some single guy at a wedding in South America, but for a few moments, he was thinking about such stuff while sitting in the back of the church, being a little bored with the full-on Catholic ceremony going down.

I struggled with longer form ceremonies of any nature, unless there was something very
unusual going on. But even then, I was not looking for extreme religious experiences—like,
say, the evil Illuminati child sacrifice 
"coming-of-agepractice performed deep within the
Vatican’s bowels and in other super-secret European lairs.
The planet was filled with
crazy-ass fucked-up shit, and not enough occupants knew what was really going down.

So whaddup with all that!? 


While mentioned alone, it’s more about hierarchical layers of societies, groups, organizations, entities, and a cluster of families, all acting in concert with each other to make our world a completely, controlled, illusory experience. And the Catholic Church is a big part of it. 

Bob's always trying to look at the humorous side of things, so for the naysayers and those not yet in the know, here’s some boisterous spin our guy puts out on this topic. 
 


 
Maybe he hasn’t yet gone here for some disinformation and further muddy the waters. For an even more "out there" take on it, here's a fun shortie Bob is particularly fond of .


If you need more LOLZ along these lines of "ABC is Illuminati," then this YouTube channel has dozens more in similar vein, so knock yourself out.




Seriously though, despite Bob’s poking fun, there really is a LOT more going on in our world than meets the eye, pardon the pun. You can spin a lot of cerebral cycles looking at it, since there’s much misinformation, disinformation, and partial-truth filled controlled opposition circulating out there, and myriad related topics. It all just to keep you in the dark, and confused, because that’s exactly what is desired.

Here is a short tickler that is on point into how things really don't work as they appear. 


Nothing really is as we’re taught—think about who controls and dictates the education curriculum to begin with. And on another level altgether, think about how even “space may be the final frontier, but it’s made in a Hollywood basement,” as them there Red Hot Chili Peppers sing in Californication.


But hey, one needs to do one's own research, if trying to find out what's really going on, and know why stuff doesn’t seem to be getting better in our world of late. Maybe, cuz, like it’s been long ago designed to be that way, and driving us to some pre-determined end objective. 



But otherwise, if you're not just quite yet jonesing to dive in deep and make your head spin, tuck into Bob's debut novel instead for his entertaining, exotic escpades at weddings all over the place. It's a guaranteed, really different read. 



Subject: Brands and altered reality
(Posted on Jun 12, 2016 at 01:21PM ) Tags:
Throughout the book, a bunch of brands and product placement references have been sprinkled about, but many are not spelled correctly. Bob does know how to spell, most of the time (depending on the language), and it's done on porpoise here for effect. 

Here are a bunch of examples pulled from the novel: 

- Kokee Kola

 
- Appfull and its iconic iPot  device (it plays tunage people, and is not a vaporizer for weed)

- Totoya
the vehicle brand highly favored by insurgents, terrorists, freedom fighters and revolutionaries worldwide

- iFone
another product by our good friends and drinking buddies at Appfull




- McDonnell's, the best hangover food ever per some, and occasonally referred to as "Ralphin’ Ronnie’s" by others

 
Yes, it does really exist, per here. A discussion on this matter of their past “Don’t be evil” mantra merits separate coverage another time.


- WinWoes 98, and an oblique mention of “the hegemony of Redmond”

- Fizper, a big pharma outfit, and one of its lesser known "vascular" products called CadavERect

- Ballihurton, an evil-ass, global, oil field services corporation

- Glumberscher, another global oil field services giant, where Bob's ass actually worked decades back for a couple years (hence not calling it evil-ass)

Many other brands do remain the same as we know them in this reality, mostly good things like booze (be it beer, wine, bubbly, sake, whisky vs whiskey), cigars, watches, and other items. At other times, Bob decided to keep an actual name in play for clarity, as with say AT&T, regarding a certain building in Manhattan, deemed to be a good sanctuary from marauding zombies, discussed here

This altered reality also applies to the treatment of some purely fictional character mentions as well, for reasons of satire and parody.

- Dom Cruz, some actor cat celebrity

- Will Klintun, sage of Arkansas, former US President, and scholarly spinmeister regarding the meaning of the word “is

- Rick Chany, evil-ass politician and businessman, who used to run above mentioned, evil-ass oil services corporation

- Nat Bukannan, a US paleocon political pundit

- Will O. Wiley, some imaginary Fox News talking head 

- Anne Coalturd, following on the above folks in similar vein

- Lush Limbaw, radio talk show jock and political commentator 
 

So what gives with all that? Hey, it’s Bob’s book, and the world he experiences is mostly like the one we know, but certain things have been altered.

It may have been presciently planned on his part, but there seems to be a tie-in to real changes similarly going on today right in front of our eyes. Many brands / products, media (e.g., books, movies, TV shows, music), titles, names, symbols, events and other references have all mysteriously seemingly subtly changed.


 
Look into something called the Mandela Effect and do some digging. No, you’re not losing your mind and memory. But don’t take Bob’s word for it.  A starter summary on the topic, if you’re interested, and not asleep at the switch, is below. More on this forum here too. 

 

As with all, do your own investigation and research to draw your own conclusions. What do you remember from your own experience?



If the Mandela Effect is a bit much for you to fathom or drives you bonkers, alternatively dive into this read for an escape from this reality (and all others) for shits and giggles, as some single cat travels the world attending weddings and gets into all kinds of situations and encounters. 




On a great stag night two days before the wedding, Bob was out with groom Dudley Steele and another dozen buddies from England, Spain, the Netherlands and Germany in Puerto de la Cruz on Tenerife's north side. Rounds of warm-up beers were followed by dinner at an Indian restaurant, where "somebody" decided it might be interesting to see how much heat could be put out there in one dish.

When the owner came to me, I turned to him. “Some of the lads are from England, and
like their food very spicy, sir. Not Spanish, white man, or even English vindaloo spicy.
Please make it extra
Indian spicy. I used to live in India. You know what I mean. Do your
best, please.” I laid down the gauntlet in challenge to his piquancy prowess.

“I make extra very special for you, sir,” he replied, smiling, and with a knowing gleam
in his eyes.

                                                                              ***

Our appetizers arrived. We were hit by the pungent wave of heat and spice wafting from
the one dish given extra attention. The owner beamed as he placed the plate in front of
me on the table. I knew from a distance, without a taste that he had risen to the challenge,
and then some.

Before us was a plate with half a dozen peppers stuffed with a selection of ground chilies,
unidentifiable little 
lumpy bits, and white clumps of some sort of cheese-looking substance.
Death peppers deluxe!

“Right, then,” said Roddy fearlessly. “I can handle it. Let’s do it together. No excuses, or
a bollocking.” Dudley, Mr. P, Roddy, and I each took a pepper confidently in hand.

“Remember lads, if it’s too hot, take some of the raita.” I pointed to the bowl on the table
beside the pepper plate. “No water. Or anything else. It will only make it worse.”

The four of us each popped one in our mouths and bit down. Like a shot, Roddy reached
for the raita bowl, and downed a healthy swig straight from the bowl, bypassing the spoon.
Serious stuff.  Mr. P’s face froze in horror. His jaw unhinged as he spat out mangled morsels
of pepper onto the plate. He turned red and his eyes teared.

My mouth exploded in a firebomb, with intensity I hadn’t experienced since I’d left India
three years ago. I could tolerate it though. I warmed up and felt sweat developing on my
brow.

“Jesus fuckin’ H. Christ, Bogus,” snarled Dudley, after he swallowed two spoons of raita
in rapid succession. He likely wanted to add more scolding, but couldn’t. Mr. P followed
and did the same, silent in his suffering, but his watery eyes clearly revealed his state.

“Bobby Bo was merely providing the opportunity for those that wanted an amped up
appie adventure,” I said.

“Right fuckin’ cunt you are,” retorted Roddy.

“You asked for it, mate,” I said calmly.
Innocent.

A few were clearly unhappy with this initial part of  our dining experience, and a bit miffed at Bob, despite their professing being tough guys in the HOT 'n SPICY department.

So, just what exactly had gone down here? We had very likely just been “ghost peppered” in that dish. On the Scoville scale of measuring the “bring the heat” factor, the Indian Ghost Pepper, or bhut jolokia (and a few other names), is way up there at the top.


Until 2013, that puppy was reputed to be the spiciest pepper out there. It has since been surpassed by the Carolina Reaper, and for a time by the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion and related derivative Butch T.

But hey, don’t take this pundit’s word for how hot these things are. Here's a nice intro from someone in the trade with some good narrative and background information.



Here are a few more folks that tried, and who wanted to share their experience. Pop one of these suckers in your mouth, and watch the mirth and mayhem unfold.


Our next hero contestant, RapidResponseKing (aka Tedy), needs to be admired for aiming to take in several in rapid succession. 
 

Our full-of-energy gal, GloZell Green, wasn't yet hip to things like water and soda NOT being a good idea here to fight the fire, even when she was munching on a lower intensity habanero


When stuff goes sideways on you here, know ito have some dairy around (e.g., milk, yoghurt, sour cream, raita or other fine things of that ilk.) to help douse the flames.

And sometimes, Momma knows best, as in “Just don’t do it!” We had to get a mention in there of her, what with Mother’s Day going down tomorrow.


Even if U a hottie, your sorry state won’t get spared when it comes time to bring the heat and take your ass down (as Bob likes to say), "faster than a piñata at Carlos Slim Helu’s surprise 50th birthday party."



And then, at the very end of this transforming culinary experience, after your having received that consumng warm embrace on the inbound path, one might find that gift of pure joy getting recycled through the outbound, backdoor end. So brace, and beware, Bobbolin(o/a)s. 


But hey, it’s all just like the tagline points out, on this bag below, as taken from Bob’s own pantry. 



Things like this, they ain’t be teaching your ass in school. That’s why Bob hits weddings across the world, where one can find oneself in all kinds of crazy situations and funny encounters in exotic locations. As some single cat traveling between continents, you pick up a few things along the way. And you can read all about it here, since life's too short for boring reads. 


 
Subject: Los Angeles #70 - Japanese Vending Machines
(Posted on Mar 11, 2016 at 03:04PM ) Tags:
At a wedding as best man right after the Northeast Blackout of 2003, you find yourself in conversation about things being REALLY different in Japan with a relative of the bride, since a large contingent from her family are over across the Pacific for the event.

That Asian country has a ton of very kool things going on, and just one of those is the ubiquitous vending machine. That distribution mechanism / channel has been taken to a whole new level of near-art, way beyond the more functional and mundane electromechanical boxes typically found on this side in North America.



From funky and colorful designs, to high-tech user interfaces and inner workings, and the actual products dispensed—which run the gamut from food, snacks, beverages (including alcohol), and a whole lot more to undergarments, pets, and even cars as above—the Japanese vending machine is in a world unto itself, as countless foreigners can attest to when living or traveling there.


From a global perspective, here’s a list of some of the most bizarre items ever to come out of a vending machine. Note that a good third of them are from Japan, thoroughly cementing their prowess and proficiency in this department. As a sidebar, Bob nods in acknowledgment to the crack pipe vending machine (clocking in at #11 on the countdown) right here in good old YVR, Canuckistan.


Here are some additional links diving more deeply into the subject of the Japanese vending machine: one, two and three. Any place that sells alcohol in public and allows for its immediate consumption thereafter has to be viewed favorably overall.


And yes, you did hear and/or read that correctly in a few spots above. This type of item below (be it brand new and in various "pre-owned" states) was, and maybe still is, indeed sold in vending machines.


As mentioned in the book: 

“Hey there, buddy boy,” Wade added, “you lot in Japan also sell used girls’ panties out
of vending machines. My girl Klyta told me about this years ago.”

“That sounds pretty civilized to me,” I said.

“Weren’t those panty sales banned, since some were allegedly coming from underage
schoolgirls, Teddy?” Wade asked.

“Everything’s relative,” Teddy shrugged. “You can still find them—in Akihabara, Tokyo’s
electronics district. You just need to know where to go.” Teddy winked at him.

“Just like with everything out there in the world,” I said.


Some may cry "Urban Legend," saying it can’t possibly be true. As with most things that one is told about the world out there today, do your own research and come to your own conclusions. Snopes weighs in on this matter here as an added back-up, and there's more here.

This single element is part of a more encompassing Burusera subculture that is expanded upon hereOr better yet, hop on a plane and be your own truth-seeking, “sneakers on the ground" journalist as in this nicely narrated overview about Japan's panty fetish. 


The differences in Japanese society and culture spill over to humor too. For proof positive of this angle, just watch this surreal scene snipped from a 2005 movie called Funky Forest


And so you thought Monty Python was a bit "out there" at times back in their heyday? Ha! For some, after that unusual experience, and depending on how open you are to new things, you may be feeling a bit like our furry friend below.
 

As for Japan on the whole. and figuring out stuff there, well, we’re not even scratching the surface with this one post.

Yo, when you’re some single dude hitting up weddings all around the world, one gets into all kinds of interesting situations, experiences and discussions. There’s no substitute for travel, various pundits have said thoughout time, but you can live some of that vicariously in this book, at a small sliver of the price. But after reading it all, a few may well feel as our furry friend above did after that last video. Go figure. 



Subject: Westport #94 - Reactive vs Proactive
(Posted on Feb 13, 2016 at 04:01PM ) Tags:
What with Valentine’s Day around the corner, why not cover something different? When everyone is thinking all hearts, roses and chocolates, look to Bob N. Boguslavski for an alternative view on that ever so highly commercialized take on relationship romance.

It provides a nice and smooth lead-in to what someone really wants to talk about today.

An ages-old conundrum over what wins the day, strategy versus tactics, or being proactive versus reactive, can be applied to almost any situation in life. This no doubt includes when to puke, chunder, regurgitate or whatever other euphemism one prefers to employ, even if it’s the Cockney rhyming slang expression, Wallace and GrommitBob’s also rather fond of another British term, pavement pizza. One can always rely on the Brits to keep things classy!


Nothing like a little recycling, where one person's late night kebab indulgence becomes others' breakfast the next morning  If you’re really into the alternative terminology thing, here’s a long list of words and expressions to enlighten and impress family, friend and foe alike on this topic. 


Said ‘act,’ no matter how labeled, can occur anywhere heavy drinking is on deck, including a wedding. But sometimes, it may be done on porpoise [sic], to reposition or refortify oneself for yet more imbibing, or to void off future ill effects which can happen when one is passed out or sleeping. Some of us remember what happened to Bon Scott of AC/DC back on February 19th, 1980 in that regard as a sobering and cautionary tale. 

Basically, tactical chunder is on the proactive side. Then there is the closely related strategic vomit, which is talked about a little more here from the female perspective. The reactive side, well, that’s a whole lot simpler, and usually a lot less pretty too, since it’s unplanned and there ain't a whole lot of time to think about where it's going.  As at that classy Westport dinner scene a couple days before the wedding ...

"Reactive chunders are not nearly as controlled as proactive ones,” I sympathized.
“It typically results in much more mess to mop up. Reactive leads to unplanned
spillage with unintended consequences. Proactive is more focused and guided.
"

Suddenly, Horace sat up ramrod straight and stiffened with alarmed eyes. A spout
of spew erupted from deep in his throat, cascading over the table in front of him
and sideways as he instinctively turned his head, right into Little Timmy’s adjacent
martini glass.


"Ewwww!" winced Little Timmy, looking morosely at his newly infused cocktail.

This led to coining of the word chunkitini with its fresh reddish pink hue. Chundertini is just as good though, so we’ll use it as a synonym. Remember, you heard these new words here first. The above interaction from the book can act as a definition of sorts—it's pretty clear what happened there!

A little poking around reveals that there’s a cocktail out there called Steel Vomit. It sure sounds like a nasty concoction even if the bonafide stuff above ain’t in it per se. Bob reckons a few of these puppies pounded in quick succession may well lead a few punters to the above type scenario.

On this topic of 'regurgitation' generally, classic movie scenes always come to mind and here’s a well done “puke nuke’em” montage of merriment for all you cinephiles, which includes a few select snippets from that classic Monty Python flick, The Meaning of Life, among others.
 

Don’t act all grossed out on this topic. Hey, if you like honey, you’re actually eating bee barf, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, as this Straight Dope piece elaborates. The quibble and riposte at the end is good, defending use of the word 'barf' versus regurgitation in this context.


As some single cat hitting up weddings all around the world, sooner or later, your ass is gonna see this act … live. Proof pository is right here with a couple of select moments of wedding magic. 


You can see those subtle movements in her throat nicely telegraphing it all as she arises from her stupor-induced nap. To be fair to the ladies, Bob must include a guy doing similar. 


With a litttle practice, you too can wind your way down this road, be it reactive or proactive for even more punishment later on, and then end up looking like this pair of fine, rather relaxed folks. It's all about how you carry yourself and hold that grace right to the end, Nice touch as our gal still has enough sense  and wits to hold her hair back from dangling into her product delivery on the floor. 
 


 

Life just seems so incomplete until you've been there. That, and also reading this book to keep you highly amused (and bemused at times). Bob digs deep about everything, to bring you the very best. 
Pages: 123 | Next >