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Legal disclaimers are everywhere in our lives. The most blatant ones are suitably in the “land of litigation,” aka USA, and industrywise, Big Pharma takes the gold medal by a long shot.
 
.

Bob was inspired by some of those drug ads and their potential “side effect" disclaimers at the end. Case in point below, for this one real product some may have heard of.


Good times ahead, no doubt, once one's on that prescription and popping that puppy. The "quit smoking" shitshow will sure get solved otherwise by doing oneself in. It's just like with this follow-on parody, that's hard to discern from many real pharmaceuticals actually on the market


Okay, we have the basic disclaimer principle down. No doubt, it's always about our safety, health or well-being.

Back to wedding land and Bob's experiences in his darkly humorous traveloque. Given some of the culinary choices on the menu in Iceland, as regards certain animals and consumption therein, Bob got in on the action with his own similarly suitable situation disclaimer. He also needed to cover his ass regarding some of the graphically descriptive content about said food options. 

Legal Disclaimer: No puffin, whale, sheep, shark, or any other animal(s)
was physically harmed, whole, in part, or effigy thereof, during the
writing of this chapter. Any reference to a real puffin, whale, sheep, or
shark, living or dead, is all a fig mint [sic] of your imagination. Further,
this limited warranty shall not extend to previous or subsequent chapters,
let alone to follow-on future works, be they related, derivative, or otherwise,
and in paper, electronic, or other future matter/energy forms. Consumption
of said animals, raw, cooked, or part way along said process, regardless of
preparation methodology, is another matter altogether, and may cause
abdominal cramping, constipation, loose stools, projectile vomiting, other
illness(es), and/or a combination thereof, to varying degrees of severity,
but not necessarily in that order, so
caveat lector.

That country does have some unique dishes, as already covered on the shark side of things with Bob's post on Hákarl and Brennivínand there’s a great Icelandic food rundown on this Aussie wanderer's piece at Boiled sheep head (svid) or rotten shark (hákarl)? Weird and wacky Icelandic food.


With eats as described and seen above, one never knows when someone traumatized, offended, or with time on their hands, might exact some frivolous legal thang on an author’s ass, even if all imaginated [sic] in the book to mess with the reader's head. But hey, all you gotta do is look around and see who be out there, freely roaming the streets, to judiciously play it safe and not be sorry down the road. 

So one can't say they weren’t warned about anything potentially detrimental from the whole reading experience. Cuz, like, there are a lot of folks out there that may not be totally switched on to stuff going on around them in their daily lives either.



The possibilities with alcohol and human creativity / ingenuity is always a notch up to the next level. 


And within that segment of alcohol inspired behavioural side effects, tequila can take things to higher excellence, ergo the need for its very own suitably absolving disclaimer. 

If alcohol is not your scene, suck back a few bags of this bad boy below, especially if you have a sweet tooth and are having a little trouble being “regular” and all, as some of the ladies out there are wont to lament on occasion. 


Lawyers are naturally more attuned to the concept in everyday life practice.  


One can easily work this stuff into daily life. A few good ones to consider putting at the bottom of your email footer can be found here at Parodies of Stupid Email Disclaimers

Marriage, given its life changing nature, sure as shite probably should have some sort of legal disclaimer, given how that all goes in the end for many.



But that doesn’t seem to stop most punters from rushing down the aisle with abandon. If a couple memes don't get folks to exercise some caution here, consider reading Bob's crazy-ass, eclectic debut novel to get some knowledge on the matter from a laid back, single-cat “marriage dodger” who hits up weddings all over the gaff.







Subject: Westport #94 - Five Marriage Rules
(Posted on Feb 2, 2018 at 09:21PM ) Tags:
There's a lot of material out there on marriage advice and how to keep stuff together long term. It's dished out by an industry of professional counsellors, journalists, bloggers, talking heads, pundits and assorted punters in the space. Some are more academic, or prim and proper, rather than simple, straight-up street savvy.


Bob's into unearthing kernels of advice straight from the trenches via people living it, who just say it how it is, based on their real experience and lessons learned. Case in point was this exchange with 92-year-old "Pops" di Tomaso, family patriarch, at this 2007 wedding.

Here's his take on a silky smoove 64.5 year run of wedded bliss, and five rules for the fellas to take away and put into practice.

"Stuff isn't complicated in marriage. First and foremost, know that if momma bear
ain't happy, ain't no bear happy."

"Oh yeah, I have heard that sentiment from many in the married crew, just not in
those words. I have that one down, no a
rgument there."

"Second, a man needs to suck it up and be prepared to lose most battles. I reckon
19 of 20 on average, long term. Fight for the important stuff, and only put your foot
down then. Most issues of fighting in a marriage aren
't life or death. That is the art of
compromise."

"Nineteen out of 20 is compromise?" I stammered.

"Yep. So pick your 1 out of 20 carefully. OK, worst case, if she's really a hard ass,
maybe 1 out of 100. Also, learn to fight fair. That's really important. Learn not to draw
it out forever. Moving on is important as well. You're going to fight for sure. It is not a
matter of if, but when, and how often."

"So in a nutshell, lemme see, keep momma bear happy, fight fair, not for long, forgive
and forget, and be prepared to lose most fights,
" I summarized, counting his rules out
on five fingers.

"Easy enough to remember, but a lot harder to put into practice."

Stuff like this, you can't make up unless your sorry ass lived it. Dat be troof! With a little more thought, one can shorten this to "suck it up, shut up and smile." Others have simply stated, "Happy wife, happy life."

It should be noted that Pops' imparted wisdom came a few years after the demise of his beloved wife, so she wasn't around for said conversation, otherwise his words might have been more tempered if she was within earshot.

Bob's already covered observations and commentary about long-term marriage generally, but today is more about optimism and pulling it off successfully

But hey, 'nuff said from the menz's point of view. Let the other side weigh in.


There's no right answer at the end of the day. You wade in, play the game and takes your chances, spin the roulette wheel and see what happens in that big casino.

Above all, one needs a sense of humor and tolerance to get through it all, but everybody has a different spin on it.


Don't listen to what other folks have to say about marriage. Make your own experience, so you can one day spout forth your own sagacity with authority. Or not, as the case may be.


Remember to NOT believe everything you read and see out there. Trust, but verify ... everything. This includes the meme above, re Yao Ming, and other important shite like The News.

Based on Bob's and others' observations, the wedding part is cake, pardon the pun, beyond the literal element on that day. What comes after the fiesta frolic dies down is a lot trickier to manage and survive, like Groundhog Day.


Bob's first novel is chocka blocka full of tons of stuff with a different spin, if you can handle dolllops and doses of dark humor, sarcasm and satire mixed into the message, as our single, quasi-antihero, potty-mouthed stumblebum travels the world hitting up weddings.



Book Review - Wedding Chronicles

Back cover excerpt:
Life's a wedding for Bobby Bo, who's traveled to nearly 100, from Tenerife to Singapore and Chile to Iceland. He's been best man, groomsman, "father" of the bride, and bridesmaid---but always the single guy, whether with a girlfriend, flying solo, breaking up, meeting a new flame, or witnessing an ex take her vows. A colorful cast of diverse personalities from all rungs of the socioeconomic ladder entangles him in a kaleidoscope of comedic conversations and adventures that unveil the wounds and wonders of the places, cultures, and religions he encounters [...]

*********

Bob N. Boguslavski's Wedding Chronicles, the first in a trilogy, is an enjoyable read about Bobby Bo and his wedding adventures. He's living quite the life, attending various weddings across the universe, mingling with different cultures, interacting with all manners of people, and learning a great deal about marriage.

The book is funny on some aspects. It's told from a male point of view and definitely aimed at the male audience. There were a lot of curse words and quite a lot of 'guy speak', and this, along with the overall language and tone, echos my sentiment that it is essentially the male audience that can fully appreciate the narration as a whole. I did like the structure of the book; the grammar and flow of words were very exact.

Having said that, I felt there were a lot of wasted words in the book. There were several paragraphs full of big, unnecessary phrases that I had to read over in order to fully understand its context. A lot of beating around the bush before getting to a point. It wasn't as straightforward as I hoped it would be.

I wasn't too impressed with the terms the narrator's 'friends' used to refer to their exes, one-night-stands, random encounters, etc, even though they appeared jesty about it. 'Bitch' was quite a common term that was mentioned a lot throughout the book, and even the narrator himself referred to his female encounters as 'chikitas', which isn't at all derogatory, but is somewhat un-pleasing nonetheless.

The main character - the narrator - didn't grow or improve much at the end of the novel, like I thought he should have. He was the same person he was from the beginning, the only thing he gained was more determination to put off marriage for as long as he could, having been to quite a lot of weddings within a 30-year span, and seen how marriage changed the lives of his friends... for the worse.

It is an adventurous travel literature largely for the male audience, and quite informative in the cultural aspects of the various wedding destinations. If you or your spouse are looking for something along this line to read, then Wedding Chronicles is for you.

Enjoy!

OVERALL RATING: 7/10
COARSE LANGUAGE: Very high
VIOLENCE: None
SEXUAL CONTENT: Average


Disclosure of Material Connection: I was given a copy of this book by the author in exchange for an honest review.

Wedding Chronicles on Amazon


Original Posting: Ije Kanu, Literary Fiction Editor | Fall 2015 | Source Link: BellaOnlinesm - The Voice of Women


Subject: London #15 - In the pub (on the piss)
(Posted on Mar 2, 2015 at 12:56PM ) Tags:
Pubs-there certainly seemed to be a LOT of them about in the UK in '89 when Bob first visited the place. At a March '91 wedding, the topic of their number came up in conversation. The lads were standing around for a few hours in The Kings Head in Shepperton, to "take the edge off" before that much more serious church ceremony stuff began on a Saturday afternoon.

Pubs and churches went hand in hand, and were often physically side-by-side--as
close
as possible to marrying the two, short of actually serving alcohol during the
ceremony.
Now that would be awesome.

This physical proximity to pubs wasn't reserved solely for churches; pubs were
everywhere
in this country.

"Some 74,000 or thereabouts per current measure,"Rowland had told me. "Factor in
another
35,000 on-license locations between restaurants, private clubs, other residential,
and the
off-licenses, and there is no shortage, my boy."

You could be anywhere, doing anything, and if you fancied a pint, a short walk or drive in
any direction would lead to a place to wet your whistle.

Pubs are friendly places, where even complete strangers can have a deep and meaningful conversation on just about any topic. This classic Monty Python sketch originally aired in 1969 (when Bob was not yet even in kindergarten) ably demonstrates that.


Yo, that's the way British humo(u)r rolled back then. The Two Ronnies take another run at things in the pub with their approach to getting pleasantly pissed.


And what cultural pub overview would be complete without a little "mixing it up a la Hale and Pace.


In all fairness to the ladies, we must give them a say about the pub, drinking, and what their guys may be up to, especially when the girls may have other things in mind ... nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean? Here's the Loose Women crew having a natter on the matter, even though it takes them a few minutes to make their points.


Say no more! Remember ladies, even if you're not from Purley and haven't been around, menfolk are simple, and not mind readers. Best to always give them a heads up on things, especially as a relationship / marriage (d)evolves over time.

So, back to the numbers and related things about pubs. The count quoted above re watering holes matches up with this source here, but seems to be significantly different from this source here and echoed here. Well, you can chalk that up to being the nature of statistics many a time someone always has a different way to count stuff of note. Dig deeper on your own if you feel the burning desire to demystify that.

Anyway, bottom line, it's always better when one need not stray far for a glass of liquid cheer. With all the pubs out there, it seems many names get used repeatedly per this piece. Regarding the specific pub on that particular wedding day, it is but one of 240 with that name. There may not be a lot of creativity at play. The Red Lion takes top spot with 518 places electing to name their establishment with that. But there are still a few examples of imaginative names with the likes of The Pyrotechnists Arms, The Cat & Custard Pot, and The Legend of Oily Johnnies, among others, as this piece highlights.

The number of UK pubs has actually been in a slow and steady decline the last decades, as pointed out here and here, for a few reasons. Other options for drinking are present now with bars and clubs, consumption patterns are changing, and lots of supermarkets are selling too, so one can drink at home more easily than ever before. Historically, there's a long and deeply ingrained culture at play, going back to a time when drinking water may not have been so clean, so beer was a better, safer option one simply had to go where that was to stay hydrated. Some of the history and background can be dug up here and here.

Despite the modern day decline, there are still plenty about today if you need to get your drink on. If you've never been to a real authentic pub, how does one explain the differences between pub and bar cultures? Two pieces here and here expand on that. The best way to sort it is experiencing it firsthand if you can.

With this talk about pubs and drinking, is it all a bit too much, and is there a problem? Australian comedian Jim Jefferies may have the answer, with his focused and artful spin on drinking, and subtle comparison between the UK and US.


We won't bother to dig further on comparisons with other pub cultures such as Ireland and Australia--let's save that for another drink and time. However, Bob couldn't resist pulling up an Oirish gem (from some refreshment oasis, no doubt) that wisely tells folks not to worry about most matters in life. It adheres to the KISS principle.


Whether or not hanging around the pub fits with your own personal socializing style and/or life-knowledge gathering modus operandi, as some single-guy, occasional wedding guest and part-time typist, Bob has gleaned the following kernel of wisdom, as this pub signboard below points out. More similarly insightful and informative pub signs can be seen here.


This be TRUTH and deffo, is stuff they ain't teaching your sorry ass in skool [sic]--maybe sumpin' best mulled in situ in some "appropriate" spot with our culturally- and world-aware Aussie mate, Jim from above, and those of similar ilk.


If you're lucky, the opportunity to experience this may be there just as it was for Bob, traveling the world for weddings. Or just read about it all in his book.




Subject: Barcelona #62 - Cookin' Cucu in Cugat
(Posted on May 17, 2014 at 02:57PM ) Tags:
So, you find yourself on your way to some outdoor wedding ceremony in Sant Cugat del Vallès outside Barcelona, sitting on a bus (or motor coach if you wanna be fancy pants about it) with other guests. You're killing some time in your mind, and wondering about the origins of the place, its name, and what was up with all that trying to get rid of some cat called St. Cucuphas way back in the daze of antiquity. The place ended up being named after him (initially, it was Castrum Octavianum) because of what happened next.

Well, it seems the Roman prefect at the time was going a tad creative with trying to get rid of our man. Judging by the following 3-step process, you'd think like maybe, somebody was going to consume our cat Cucu once he was deemed "ready."

1) Tenderize - Get a dozen soldiers to soften him up by whipping him, and then tear up his skin with nails and scorpions. Inspired
2) Marinate - cover him with vinegar and pepper. Creative kitchen
3) Cook - Roast him alive. Wuz it low 'n slo'? Dunno.

But something miraculous seemed to happen, and our man Cucu escapes death and injury per the tale. Hmmm, the prefect has a rethink on things, deciding to have a really BIG bonfire made and burn him up. Ooopsy, next thing you know, something backfires, and his executioners all die in the flames, but Cucu's okay. Righto.

The prefect has him thrown back in his cell, and then softened up some more with iron whips this time around. Presto majesto, said prefect mysteriously went up in flames in his carriage by divine intervention or sumpin' like that. Lesson learned, and his replacement decides to keep things really basic and has our man finally done in the old fashioned way by having his throat slit. See, keeping it straightforward and not trying to get fancy worked just fine in the end.

Painting: The Martyrdom of St. Cucuphas, (Public Domain)
Ayne Bru (1504-07 estimated)

And that's the way it supposedly went down for our man Cucuphas back in AD 304 during the Diocletianic Persecution.

Now, as a take away point, you generally don't see girlfolk messing around with making things complicated for no good reason. Case in point was these two women deciding to take out a "player" back in March 1881. In this fine recounting, our man Francisco "Chico" Forster, 40, was sleeping around under the guise of marriage promises when he got his sorry ass caught out in L.A. Here's some more detail on all that.

Our slighted gal, 18 at the time (guess FCF was goin' younger), just popped him straight through the eye with a pistol shot. Ba-Blam! No messing around entertaining more sophisticated torture approaches a la Roman prefect earlier in history per above.

Image: Twoons.com | 2009

Then, as a huge bonus, and no doubt benefiting from a crack legal team, our girl Lastania Abarta gets off employing a defense of "female hysteria."


Go figure. Alas, the ladies can no longer plop that ploy away for potential recycling down the road when there is a need to get rid of your man, whether he be cheatin', or not. Said medical condition was taken off the books as this informative video points out.


All BNB can say, as some simpleton single chappie out there attending weddings all over the place, is a man gots to stay on his toes. Sometimes, reaching deep for knowledge is needed to remedy what ails, just like our man Dr. Swift here below, and the tale of his special treatment for female hysteria.


Super Entertaining Read

Bob's adventures in the world of weddings are close to home - for anyone who either is married, been married or contemplating marriage! Beautifully described, with background music to boot, Bob's sometimes offbeat stories, keen wit and fine observations kept me engaged, laughing and sometimes even squirming as I recognized my own experiences in his tellings.

I read the book over a period of time - the stories are individually entertaining and you don't lose the thread as the characters and stories develop. Highly recommended, an easy and entertaining read.

Rating: 5 / 5 *

Original Posting: Neville Chamberlain | May 12, 2014 | Source Link: Amazon.CA


So what was that drink that took out Dr. LoveSexy the night before the wedding in Jordan, and gave him a big hangover the next day?

Arak is a well-known, anise-flavored spirit distilled from grapes that is consumed all over the Middle East. It is usually accompanied with food, just as it was with the fine open-air mezze dinner on the shores of the Dead Sea. The drink does a great job of clearing the palate, even better than wine.


A lot more on how it is made can be found here in this Wiki piece. This Economist article from 2003 goes on about the history of the drink, the Arab invention of distillation, and other drinks related to Levantine arak like pastis, ouzo, sambuca, raki, mastika, and absinthe, and others. Note the arak in the Middle East, should not be confused with the drink of similar name arrack (and sometimes even the same spelling) in South East Asia that is NOT related at all, has no anise in it, and is coconut, sugarcane, or grain derived.

The process by which this clear spirit turns cloudy white when it is mixed with water is called louching. Basically, the anise oil which is colorless in the alcohol, emulsifies when the water is added, and presto, the drink transforms to its milky color as this short video shows.


Arak is usually served in a shorter glass with some ice already in it, and mixed with water thereafter, in a 1:2 ratio.


Maybe it wasn't just the arak that knocked things out of the box for Dr. LoveSexy, but perhaps the combination of beer, sucking on the hookah / shisha pipe, and any other alcohol that, collectively in combination, may have been the culprit for his hangover the next day and putting him in need of some serious greasy food as a cure. In any event, right or wrong, as a scapegoat perhaps, Bob claimed that "Haddad haddid him in."

The brand being consumed by all that night was Haddad, a local Jordanian brand made by Eagle Distilleries Co. that was established in 1953, and one of the first companies in the country (number three actually) licensed to manufacture alcohol.


When you're some single guy hitting weddings all over the world, it pays to be open, flexible and chillaxed about the food and drink going down around you. It's all part of the fun and experience of different cultures and traditions.

In any event, no matter where you are, or what you are drinking, it's all about the "Cheers!" or fe sahetek / fi sahitak in Arabic [say Figh sa hee' tik], or literally "to your health." This handy table lists the greeting in 60 languages.



Some things in life, you don't need to necessarily experience to know enough to stay away from altogether, like, erhm, say sumpin' like anal electrocution.

Illustration Credit: Bobbissimo

Or when someone who has been there already with some life experience,usually suffering for it, and offers up some deep and heartfelt advice. One needs to remember that stuff for future reference. You just know from the way they said it, that they have lived it, and it's sooooo true. Those kernels of wisdom doled out from time to time most certainly apply to marriage. Stay alert and focused to pick up on these gems when they come across your radar.

Way back when, when Bob was a teen, he got some of that type of insight from Lulu as recounted in the book, when Bob asked him what it was like to be married 42 years. Tough to follow and fathom when you've just turned 18 at the time, and he's 63. His reply was short (at only six words total, and two words were each used twice to boot, for added effect). Bob's still ain't no closer to getting married after all these years, but he knows that Lulu's words ring really true. Lulu had it going on, when it came to life lessons like that.

Here are a few more tips for all the married fellas out there, on how to navigate those perilous waters with longterm success. Learn from your other shackled comrades in arms and their past faux pas and serious speed bumps they have experienced along the way. We guys can all learn!

This guy knows what he's doing for sure in this sweet little clip, and it all sounds so much better and credible with a posh British accent.


Then there's the scoop on all the poop when a guy is thrown into the proverbial doghouse by da Boss in his life for having a crack moment or brief lack of focus with disastrous consequences.


Tim Hawkins has a fine singing version chocka blocka of good advice for all the married fellas out there.


There are always those simple but highly effective tips humanity can borrow from the animal kingdom. This one is a classic around out there on the Web for several years now in various locations, but it still presses home the message effectively.

SINGLE


MARRIAGE


DIVORCE


MARITAL BLISS

So, at the end of the day, why would any (soon-to-be) married guy listen to all this marriage knowledge / experience coming from some still-single guy who has spent a lot of his time, effort and $$$ going to weddings all around the world? Well, as the ever-astute Dr. LoveSexy once said, "Yo, I ain't had no safe fall on my head yet either, but I know it would hurt."

You can bank on that for sure.




Subject: Montreal #12 - Hockey, Politics + Language
(Posted on May 7, 2014 at 04:11PM ) Tags:
Two things that haven't changed with Bob's hometown since childhood, have been the city's devoted following of les Habs / Canadiens (especially now that they're in the second round of the playoffs battling it out with the Beantown Bruins, another place he knows well) and provincial level politics with its discussion / debate around Quebec's (potential) separation from the rest of Canuckistan.

It was the case when Bob was a kid, and again at the time of the opening wedding of the novel back in 1987, and just as true today decades later. The talk of an independent Quebec may be quiet now for a couple years given the election outcome a month ago today, but it will be back again no doubt one day. It just sort of seems to take a break every now and again, to regroup and rear its head once more. But both topics can always be a good excuse for a sprited discussion at a wedding, or any other event for that matter

Bob might be out of Quebec a long time now, and cross-polinated (or polluted, if you prefer), by many other countries and cultures, but on the plus side, he can still get a fix of maple syrup, poutine, and a smoked meat sandwich as needed, but not necessarily all at the same time though (which you really won't be getting at any wedding), and he certainly doesn't miss winters out East in Montreal anymore either.


Then there's one of his local flavor favorites on the humor side that has emerged in Têtes à claques (TaC), which has been around now since August 2006. It was all originally in French (still the best version by far if you can understand the language), but there are quite a few sketches that have been translated into English and Spanish too. However, for full effect, one can't beat the original ones for their authentic local Québecois accent, which bemuses many folks in France and other countries in the French-speaking world.

Here's one TaC sketch in French with English subtitles, so those that don't speak the language can pick up on the local Quebec French accent and still follow along otherwise.


This cat Obsesik does a good job on breaking down the difference between how French speakers in Quebec and France sound like when speaking English.


And this gal Julie Supastar doles out a good basic primer on how to speak some of the more important local French words in Quebec, handy for any tourist or Bruins visit to Montreal and La Belle Province, be it for a wedding, hockey game, or otherwise. Just generally useful everyday French 101 stuff going on here.


And as regards the outcome of the current Montreal - Boston NHL series, kinda just like with the fate of marriage longterm, as they say in Spanish, "vamos a ver lo que pasa," or we'll see what happens. Bob ain't got no crystal ball or nothing, since he's just some single bozo bumpkin attending weddings all over the place. C'est beau, c'est bon.

Hilarious, clever and unique!

A hilarious and well written read. Through the life milestone of a series of weddings, Bob Boguslavski, the colourful narrator, takes us on a journey through time and culture, immersing us in the climate of each of his settings. Through his interactions, beginning when he is young, Bob introduces us to a group of lively characters, friends and guests, and these people affect and reflect the man we come to know.

We get to eavesdrop on Bob's conversations as he cleverly and lightly pokes fun at the concept of marriage and provides insightful social commentary. We have all been to weddings. Boguslavski gives us a new and unique perspective. His witty, gritty, and direct style will appeal to both men and women. Read this book. You will laugh yourself silly. Bob is not yet ready to settle down. I look forward to hearing more from him.

Rating: 5 / 5 *

Original Posting: Ben11222 | April 06, 2014 | Source Link: Apple iBooks (CA)
Pages: 12 | Next >