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We’ve all heard those stories of "cold feet" in the days, weeks or months before the wedding, and even on the day itself. A few of us may have even witnessed it first hand with friends, family, guided someone close through it, or experienced it personally. 


As was the case at a friend’s 2001 spring wedding in Hawaii, our groom to be, Lamont Lewis, was thinking about what lay ahead, just hours before the ceremony, hanging out in his suite with Bob and his best man, Isaiah Washington. Shit don’t get more real than that, as the minutes tick down to ceremony kick-off.

“I don’t know if I’m making the correct decision here,” Lamont said with some
weariness. “I’d call the wedding off, right now if I had more guts. But I don’t. So,
I’ll just go through with it and get a divorce later.”

“Wow, that’s heavy,” I said, “and you’re just realizing it right at this very moment?”

“Well, it’s been building for a while. But I can’t call it off. Everyone’s here. It would
ruin the day. There’d also be a lot of money down the drain. Ku’ene’s family would
freak out.”

“Yes, but your whole life together is at stake. Marriage is serious.”

“Nothing a divorce can’t fix. He can just play along for a while,” said Isaiah coolly,
“like a lot of other trapped married folks out there.”

When this happens, there’s a lot of stuff going on inside your head and heart, and no matter what any other person is willing to tell you, you still need to make up your own mind as to what you want to do. It’s your life after all, and you’ll be dealing with the consequences.

Usually, this moment of truth don’t just sneak up on your sorry ass at the last minute. It’s been building inside for a while, and maybe you just weren’t willing to acknowledge it or want to talk about it.
Will you pull the eject handle, or suck it up, march on, go through with it, and hope of for the best?
 

It can happen for a few different reasons:

-   not sure about this whole marriage thing, and if this is the right person
-   something new found out about your prospective partner
-   something internally eating away about yourself or your partner, that you hadn’t wanted to admit before

A couple short episodes show how dramatic it can get for some folks in said scenario. 



Some say, if it doesn’t work out, don’t be sad, but be mad, and get even. 


Two great examples are these like-minded, take-charge gals demonstrating their vengeance in India and Brazil, after their respective, prospective grooms-to-be had the gumption to act on their cold feet, and depth charge the looming nupitals.

So fellas, as a word of warning and take away learning point, if you're going to consider the duck and run on your lovely lady, just remember who you're dealing with. You shoulda known this long before you ever considered marrying her.


Another approach is to lawyer up and sue their sorry ass, as recounted here and per below. 


But hey, what does Bob know? He’s just some single guy who’s been to many weddings all over the place and watched the marriage part unfold thereafter, be it good, bad or ugly, as the case may be.

Maybe it’s like funny guy Bill Burr eloquently spells out, and having a think on that whole marriage and longterm relationship thing and what it really means, for your ass, before it’s too late. "Careful you must be," as Yoda would say. 


Then, once cleared that  last hurdle of doubt, you'll hopefully (despite those sobering statistics to the contrary) have a whole lot left to blissfully experience together well into your golden years. 



No matter what your position on marriage and longterm relationships, witty insights and truths abound, together with a lot of laughs, in this here crazy-ass, sarcastic debut novel.


Subject: Cancun #25 - Truth + Honesty
(Posted on Dec 9, 2016 at 04:30PM ) Tags:
There’s an old Chinese saying, "May you live in interesting times." Bob thinks we’re there right now, for many reasons. One facet therein is that what’s true and not, is becoming ever harder to discern, in part because there seems to be less regard to its importance to begin with. What may be more of a factor is to spin a good tale to capture ears and eyeballs, further a cause (phantom or otherwise), move the sheeple along a certain way, or win the day.

Perhaps truth and honesty are overrated, or at best, they need to be saved for a rainy day in a specific time window, for just five minutes, and only if it’s the fifth Tuesday of that month (that happens to fall on a Saturday). Then you will know it’s the real deal!

Sometimes, you just know one’s audience only wants to hear what they want to hear, like a long time ago at a winter tropical wedding where Bob was reflecting on occasions when one’s significant other will ask for a fashion opinion, as below. Some care needs to be taken with the reply, for one’s own health, and manhood bits and bobs, pardon the pun, lest one end up like John Wayne Bobbitt post Lorena's impromptu, impassioned, erhm, "surgery."

A fashion assessment was usually safely degrees away from the
dreaded-by-all-of-maledom “Do I look fat?” zinger, unless both elements
were combined in said female querying.
If a man knew what was good for
his well-being, never answer a chikita in the affirmative, or he was asking
for a world of hurt.
Spin some other line, like said negatory outfit was just
not flattering her form. Lying was standard operating procedure in this
circumstance, and the motherfucker who came up with “honesty is the
best policy” was lying, having a crack moment, or altruistically naïve
regarding the maxim’s applicability.

Maybe one doesn’t call it a lie, per se, instead preferring to call it "spinning an alternate reality," as marketing gurus advocate, or massage it as "porpoiseful [sic] misrepresentation." Maybe that adage was a covert way of saying it may be okay to stray from policy, as needed. The policy is there, but there’s nothing about adhering to it, akin to "Don't be evil," on the last post

Today, instead, we are faced with supposed “real” mainstream news you know is fake (covered here), and the war on more honest “fake” news that paints a completely different story. The latter is increasingly coming under pressure to be “filtered” and then ultimately outright censored / banned, because The Powers That Be don’t want us to know what's really going down.

But then, someone can tell the truth, and your sorry ass ain’t ready to fathom or understand it, or maybe it’s like in this classic scene from A Few Good Men.


Sometimes, the truth is right there in front of your eyes, and you just don't get it. 



Some say the truth is relative, or as gleaned from The Kybalion, pertaining to the Principle of Polarity, “all truths are but half-truths” (and one supposes, half-lies too). So, just kick back and say anything you want about anything, cuz, like, it seems to not matter one iota. 


Note how our gal Ayn clearly and plainly states “men" there. Could well be she damn skippy knew women don’t want to find, know, or hear the truth, if not ever, then at least not as it applies to situations dealing with stuff like fashion above and relationships, which is next up on deck.

The truth can also masquerade as humor or satire, as in this scene from the aptly named The Ugly Truth


Imagine if there was really truth and honesty in dating, as with these two on-point scenarios.


This is the way Bob dishes it out in his debut novel, as some single cat gallivanting around the world hitting other folks’ nuptials, be they friend, family or foe. If you want some laughs, and a little truth and honesty, sorta ... kinda ... maybe, about relationships and marriage, then tuck into this puppy.  No "secrets of the universe" kinda shit going on here.
 




We live in a world of dualities, with the classic good / evil polarity pair being but one, like hot / cold, large / small, and love / hate among others. Where does one pole or extreme end and the other start? It can be hard to determine sometimes, and other times, it might be much more clear.

The topic came up in discussion at a Middle East wedding years back, when one of Bob’s friends had been out there having some fun and frolic the night before, and a few others in the group may have been fast to judge said friend’s behavior on the matter.

“Well, it’s all relative. It wouldn’t be my style, but I don’t begrudge Pickett taking
advantage of a spontaneous opportunity. They made a grown-up choice. It’s the
way of the world—like them Booble boys and ‘don’t be evil.’”

“Thanks for the hall pass, Bob,” said Pickett, smiling. “I’ll sleep better tonight.”

“Hold on there, I’m not done. ‘Don’t be evil’ is nothing like ‘do good,’ which is more
proactive. It’s rather a bit more ambivalent—like, ‘lemme wait and see if I benefit
before I wade in.’ Or maybe, ‘by pausing, I can hinder things.’ Bad stuff can also
happen when nothing’s done, but no one was ‘evil’ per se. There’s a whole gray
spectrum between ‘doing good’ and ‘being evil.’
 
You know that stuff be truth, and folks be pullin' that kind of crap every single day of the week (and twice on a Sunday), be it for bidni$$ or in their personal lives. Here's a nice one on point from a few years back, but more relevant than ever. 


In some notional imaginary parallel universe cum altered reality, there’s a similar entity masquerading as Booble, but you should be able to figure it out. If not quite sure on how brands are spun here, Bob refers you to this prior post on the matter for an explanation.


Guess that them there Booble boys found the bar a little too high here, in terms of measuring up to exemplary ideals, so said mofos not only went and changed the corporate name back in 2015, but used it as convenient excuse to  do away with the tagline above, in favor of “Do the right thing.”

Does this mean they think our sorry sheeple asses will forgot it all? And for “who” are said mofos doing the right thing for—themselves—no doubt.  Damn skippy there! This nifty little A-to-Z corporate history primer here can fill in a few extra blanks for you, along with these additional pieces here and here.

Despite there being a lot of discussion on this matter of Booble being evil, the root word "boob," in and of ltself, singular, and/or plural (which is better), is most deffo not evil. The company logo proves it. Look long and hard here, Bobbolin(o/a). So....what;'s not to like?!
But they have this sneaky other logo that points to sumpin' more sinister going on. Others may dismiss it as being mere "coink--e-dink" of course. Let's smoke another one, shall we?

To go back to the whole duality and inseparability of good and evil, let's consider the sliding scale, and stay on the relative "bad" side. 


So, how evil is / was Booble, and how do they stack up to all the other evil going on out there in the world, uhm, like say Halloween and its origins, creepy clowns and other small shit like that?


But first, maybe you have to let it happpen to you and not do anything about it. Either that, or head it off at the pass before it gets there. 


Evil is relative, but then again, your relative might be evil too, especially if she’s your mother-in-law, like our exhibit below. 


N.B. / Major Friggin' Hint: Do NOT marry into this kind of situation, or your sorry ass will be hooked to a whole bunch of hurt and malice for years to come. 

Yo, sometimes that evil shit starts at an early age, and evolves to bigger and better over time. It’s like playing golf every day, and perfecting things over decades.


The initial kernels of genius are a genetic gift, just like with all other human capabilities, but they can be nurtured and refined to be made more powerful. Imagine the possibilities down the road with this pair.


Two future Booble execs here, or maybe they create their own realms, and take things to a whole new level of evil excellence. There be some serious Damien / Omen-esque stuff festering there. 

Regardless of your personal take on good versus evil, that, plus a whole boatload of witty observations and wry wisdom, as they apply to weddings, marriage thereafter and a cornucopia of other goodies, await to warp and twist your mind. It's all covered in Bob’s debut novel about his single-guy, nupital travel (mis)adventures abroad.



Subject: Barcelona #62 - Picking Partners Presciently
(Posted on Sep 17, 2016 at 09:54AM ) Tags:
We’ve all seen this situation before, if not perhaps experienced it firsthand. It’s when someone (or your own sorry ass) has a new partner, and it seems that new person is not liked by just about everyone.

It’s quite common that new love ain’t gonna be loved by all equally, right away, or ever. But, if said individual is reviled and despised by every single mofo—family, friend and foe alike, one should consider it a subtle hint. Ya think?! It seems that some of us will still continue the mad march to marriage, and dealing with the consequences thereafter. 

Bob’s ass was at a wedding in Barcelona, where there was no such issue at all with the couple of the moment, but he had been thinking about an email from a friend who had gone that route, and that got him thinking about some others he knew of in that predicament. Case in point,

There will always be some people on one or even both sides, who may not like
one partner for whatever reason, but everybody speaking in unison just cannot
be wrong. Not that either partner was
unmensch or shit like that, it was more that
they were not meant for each other, and that portended disaster. Most won’t  listen
in that situation; love made you blind, or you secretly knew and doggedly pressed
on regardless.

All (and Bob means every last one) of this other cat’s friends and family had pleaded with him to drop his bride to be, right down to the day of the big event. He forged ahead regardless and was divorced a year later.

Sometimes, the match is just otherwise bad to begin with, and it doesn’t even take very long for shit to slip sideways, as seen here in Russia on wedding day itself. 


Here’s another white wedding interlude with a completely different slant from China.



These  are definitely not lone or anomalous experiences. Many folks don't sort their stuff straight before leaping into one of life’s biggest commitments, only to be perhaps blindsided later on, if a caustic, misaligned or unbalanced pairing right from the get go isn’t enough. Maybe what's needed is just thinking a wee bit about your "forever" partner beforehand, knowing what they're really about and if a good fit for the long haul. 


For many, the "be all end all" of marriage is having kids. But perhaps, that may also require a little thought on the pros and cons, and if you're hooked up with the right person. Think you’re ready? Try this amusing parent test from a few years back in the UK.

And then, even if you pick your better half wisely, and jump through all the early stage gates and hoops unscathed, replete with seals of approval from both sides of the fence, years later, what with kids and daily family life, things may well turn out like this below anyway.


Ahhh technology, making lives easier and better, even for daily domestic debate and discourse with your loved ones.

But don’t despair, if you find yourself in such a marriage predicament. Depending on where you are in the world, divorce may not be a fast and easy option for many reasons, but there are always other "approaches" to said situation, as nicely outlined here


Problem solved, and now you’re free to shuffle off casually to the next bad relationship in your life. Note said solution need not be limited to the Philippines either. If you dont want to risk doing this on home turf, plan a vacation abroad in some sun-drenched paradise where local "professional labor" skills are a bargain. More proof Bob is an international, out-of-the--box creative thinker to everyday problems. Borrowing from Canuckistani politcos, past and present, "Sunny ways my friends. Sunny ways."

Maybe it's all about perspective, separating reality from illiusions, and seeing the bigger picture.

 


Above all, Bob believes in keeping shit in life simple, and to really distill the important crap down to its core. Cuz, like if you pick poorly, it’s all downhill from there, and just a matter of time before stuff goes sideways and ultimately collapses.


And if you feel you don’t have enough sample size or actual "in the field" insights about this, feel free to tuck into Bob’s debut novel. You'll see how this stuff shakes out for real, as witnessed at others’ weddings the world over, through his own eyes and personal interactions be they good, bad, or ugly, but always funny and on point.

The price of entry could sure as shit save your sorry ass some grief and Benjamin$ down the road, and provide a few kernels of wisdom straight from the trenches of modern marriage warfare.



Subject: Santiago #30 - Illuminati(on)
(Posted on Aug 2, 2016 at 11:20AM ) Tags:
So one is out there living life in the rat race, and over time, it slowly dawns on your sorry ass that stuff in the world  really doesn’t seem to work the way they say it does. You start spending time questioning stuff, and doing a little digging, and then you incrementally shine some added light on the darker, hidden corners of the world. Not that it’s lying buried deep, but more hidden in plain sight, amidst all the background noise of distractions and events supposedly happening out there.


And you won’t see or read about any of it in the mainstream news, a topic previously covered here. This stuff is also NOT taught in school either, because they definitely don’t want folks to figure it out, as George Carlin nicely summarizes at a high level.


As set in the book, Bob’s just some single guy at a wedding in South America, but for a few moments, he was thinking about such stuff while sitting in the back of the church, being a little bored with the full-on Catholic ceremony going down.

I struggled with longer form ceremonies of any nature, unless there was something very
unusual going on. But even then, I was not looking for extreme religious experiences—like,
say, the evil Illuminati child sacrifice 
"coming-of-agepractice performed deep within the
Vatican’s bowels and in other super-secret European lairs.
The planet was filled with
crazy-ass fucked-up shit, and not enough occupants knew what was really going down.

So whaddup with all that!? 


While mentioned alone, it’s more about hierarchical layers of societies, groups, organizations, entities, and a cluster of families, all acting in concert with each other to make our world a completely, controlled, illusory experience. And the Catholic Church is a big part of it. 

Bob's always trying to look at the humorous side of things, so for the naysayers and those not yet in the know, here’s some boisterous spin our guy puts out on this topic. 
 


 
Maybe he hasn’t yet gone here for some disinformation and further muddy the waters. For an even more "out there" take on it, here's a fun shortie Bob is particularly fond of .


If you need more LOLZ along these lines of "ABC is Illuminati," then this YouTube channel has dozens more in similar vein, so knock yourself out.




Seriously though, despite Bob’s poking fun, there really is a LOT more going on in our world than meets the eye, pardon the pun. You can spin a lot of cerebral cycles looking at it, since there’s much misinformation, disinformation, and partial-truth filled controlled opposition circulating out there, and myriad related topics. It all just to keep you in the dark, and confused, because that’s exactly what is desired.

Here is a short tickler that is on point into how things really don't work as they appear. 


Nothing really is as we’re taught—think about who controls and dictates the education curriculum to begin with. And on another level altgether, think about how even “space may be the final frontier, but it’s made in a Hollywood basement,” as them there Red Hot Chili Peppers sing in Californication.


But hey, one needs to do one's own research, if trying to find out what's really going on, and know why stuff doesn’t seem to be getting better in our world of late. Maybe, cuz, like it’s been long ago designed to be that way, and driving us to some pre-determined end objective. 



But otherwise, if you're not just quite yet jonesing to dive in deep and make your head spin, tuck into Bob's debut novel instead for his entertaining, exotic escpades at weddings all over the place. It's a guaranteed, really different read. 



Meet the Author Monday with Bob Boguslavski
June 27, 2016 | Heidi Angell



Source Link: Heidi Angell Blog

Hello Lovelies,

Another exciting author interview, today we get to meet Bob Boguslavski, who is a world wanderer, part-time typist, occasional wedding guest, marriage dodger, digital crate digger, experience + inane info accumulator and bon vivant. He is quite a creative fellow. Let's get on to the interview!

Hello Bob, and welcome to An Angell's Life. What is the current book you are promoting?


Wedding Chronicles is my first novel (of an eventual trilogy), which recounts some of the nuptials I have attended around the world, spun from a unique, “out there” male perspective. Its delivery and style is NOT your typical female-narrated and -driven romance novel with guaranteed HEA.

.

While billed as fiction, it has autobiographical, memoir and travelogue elements, blended together in mash-up fashion. There’s more going on than meets the eye—it has a lot to say about relationships, marriage and our world. It also has music playlists that act as an integral soundtrack, making it a multimedia experience.

“Keep it weird. They’ll get it later.” – Kid Koala (DJ, music producer + graphic novelist)

Wow, what a fun and creative twist! Very intriguing. Who are your favorite and least favorite characters in your book and why?

My own first person character is both my most and least favorite. Since the book is based on real life experiences (with a little artistic license thrown in), we all have good / bad days and facets.

Life doesn’t unfold in VCR / DVR mode, where rewind and fast forward exist. There’s no taking things back or skipping past the bits we don’t like.

My character is a bit of a marriage anti-hero, with a sense of black humor and satire to keep things off-balance, but ultimately with a good heart. The adage of nice guys finishing last rings true.

This is a big part of the reason I write under another name, to protect the guilty, the innocent and mostly … me!

I love your sense of humor already, and am definitely looking forward to reading Wedding Chronicles. What inspired this book and where do you come up with your stories?

The omniscient, proverbial “they” say to write what you know, so at 100+ weddings to date, there it was. There’s no need to make things up, when reality is stranger and funnier than fiction.

I’m still attending them, but the pace has mercifully slowed, and is much more manageable. There’s more raw fodder than needed for the trilogy’s completion.

Growing up, travel writers like Paul Theroux, Mark Twain, Jack Kerouac and Hunter S. Thompson influenced me for the global travelogue angle.


If you could have your book made into a movie, who would you cast, and who would you want to direct it?

A cast wouldn’t be needed, except for the prospect of celebrity actor voices. Animated cartoon treatment in the vein of South Park, or perhaps the “supermarionation” style of Team America: World Police (borrowing from the British 60s TV series, Thunderbirds) works best. The book is different in tone, style and structure, and there’s an air of surrealism to it, so this treatment would best preserve and present its off-the-wall approach. Given the episodic nature of the book (and all three when the trilogy is done), a TV series would be better than a movie.

The South Park / Team America duo of Trey Parker and Matt Stone would do a bang-up direction job, with the right sense of humor and decorum.

That sounds very entertaining, indeed! Tell us some unique things about you.

In no particular order, five things randomly grabbed from the bag.
•   I flip through magazines from back to front, and then decide what to read.
•   I read a novel’s ending first, and then go to the beginning. I like surprises, but prefer to know how they turn out ahead of time. I wrote the ending of my novel first as well—that way I knew where it’s going.
•   Favorite sandwiches – Reubens and Cubans, and not because they rhyme.
•   I eat (and actually enjoy) bacon straight out of the pack, but not more than one or two slices at a time. Hey, it’s already cured, and a great gauge to test quality and freshness. I’m not a vegetarian, although I once was, for a few months while working in a particular region of India.
•   I travel light, with a highly adaptable, nearly 20-year-old, brown leather carry-on I call Betty, which has logged many miles. I had her re-tuned a few years back—she’s still in fine form and built to last.

Thank you so much for joining us, Bob! It has been a real treat getting to know you and your project.

Are you as intrigued about Bob's book as I am? Well be sure to grab a copy from Amazon today!

Want to keep up with Bob? Follow him on Twitter, see what great books he reads on Goodreads, Keep up with news on the Wedding Trilogy through their Facebook page, and keep up with Bob on his Facebook page, Google+ page. He has some great pins on his Pinterest page with photoboards from all the weddings from the novel.

Want to see the music playlists that accompany the novel? Check out Bob's YouTube channel or Spotify. Lastly, let Bob delight you with his musical aptitude on SoundCloud.

Hope you enjoyed meeting Bob as much as I did.

Until next time,

Keep Reading!
Subject: Los Angeles #70 - Japanese Vending Machines
(Posted on Mar 11, 2016 at 03:04PM ) Tags:
At a wedding as best man right after the Northeast Blackout of 2003, you find yourself in conversation about things being REALLY different in Japan with a relative of the bride, since a large contingent from her family are over across the Pacific for the event.

That Asian country has a ton of very kool things going on, and just one of those is the ubiquitous vending machine. That distribution mechanism / channel has been taken to a whole new level of near-art, way beyond the more functional and mundane electromechanical boxes typically found on this side in North America.



From funky and colorful designs, to high-tech user interfaces and inner workings, and the actual products dispensed—which run the gamut from food, snacks, beverages (including alcohol), and a whole lot more to undergarments, pets, and even cars as above—the Japanese vending machine is in a world unto itself, as countless foreigners can attest to when living or traveling there.


From a global perspective, here’s a list of some of the most bizarre items ever to come out of a vending machine. Note that a good third of them are from Japan, thoroughly cementing their prowess and proficiency in this department. As a sidebar, Bob nods in acknowledgment to the crack pipe vending machine (clocking in at #11 on the countdown) right here in good old YVR, Canuckistan.


Here are some additional links diving more deeply into the subject of the Japanese vending machine: one, two and three. Any place that sells alcohol in public and allows for its immediate consumption thereafter has to be viewed favorably overall.


And yes, you did hear and/or read that correctly in a few spots above. This type of item below (be it brand new and in various "pre-owned" states) was, and maybe still is, indeed sold in vending machines.


As mentioned in the book: 

“Hey there, buddy boy,” Wade added, “you lot in Japan also sell used girls’ panties out
of vending machines. My girl Klyta told me about this years ago.”

“That sounds pretty civilized to me,” I said.

“Weren’t those panty sales banned, since some were allegedly coming from underage
schoolgirls, Teddy?” Wade asked.

“Everything’s relative,” Teddy shrugged. “You can still find them—in Akihabara, Tokyo’s
electronics district. You just need to know where to go.” Teddy winked at him.

“Just like with everything out there in the world,” I said.


Some may cry "Urban Legend," saying it can’t possibly be true. As with most things that one is told about the world out there today, do your own research and come to your own conclusions. Snopes weighs in on this matter here as an added back-up, and there's more here.

This single element is part of a more encompassing Burusera subculture that is expanded upon hereOr better yet, hop on a plane and be your own truth-seeking, “sneakers on the ground" journalist as in this nicely narrated overview about Japan's panty fetish. 


The differences in Japanese society and culture spill over to humor too. For proof positive of this angle, just watch this surreal scene snipped from a 2005 movie called Funky Forest


And so you thought Monty Python was a bit "out there" at times back in their heyday? Ha! For some, after that unusual experience, and depending on how open you are to new things, you may be feeling a bit like our furry friend below.
 

As for Japan on the whole. and figuring out stuff there, well, we’re not even scratching the surface with this one post.

Yo, when you’re some single dude hitting up weddings all around the world, one gets into all kinds of interesting situations, experiences and discussions. There’s no substitute for travel, various pundits have said thoughout time, but you can live some of that vicariously in this book, at a small sliver of the price. But after reading it all, a few may well feel as our furry friend above did after that last video. Go figure. 



Subject: Westport #94 - Reactive vs Proactive
(Posted on Feb 13, 2016 at 04:01PM ) Tags:
What with Valentine’s Day around the corner, why not cover something different? When everyone is thinking all hearts, roses and chocolates, look to Bob N. Boguslavski for an alternative view on that ever so highly commercialized take on relationship romance.

It provides a nice and smooth lead-in to what someone really wants to talk about today.

An ages-old conundrum over what wins the day, strategy versus tactics, or being proactive versus reactive, can be applied to almost any situation in life. This no doubt includes when to puke, chunder, regurgitate or whatever other euphemism one prefers to employ, even if it’s the Cockney rhyming slang expression, Wallace and GrommitBob’s also rather fond of another British term, pavement pizza. One can always rely on the Brits to keep things classy!


Nothing like a little recycling, where one person's late night kebab indulgence becomes others' breakfast the next morning  If you’re really into the alternative terminology thing, here’s a long list of words and expressions to enlighten and impress family, friend and foe alike on this topic. 


Said ‘act,’ no matter how labeled, can occur anywhere heavy drinking is on deck, including a wedding. But sometimes, it may be done on porpoise [sic], to reposition or refortify oneself for yet more imbibing, or to void off future ill effects which can happen when one is passed out or sleeping. Some of us remember what happened to Bon Scott of AC/DC back on February 19th, 1980 in that regard as a sobering and cautionary tale. 

Basically, tactical chunder is on the proactive side. Then there is the closely related strategic vomit, which is talked about a little more here from the female perspective. The reactive side, well, that’s a whole lot simpler, and usually a lot less pretty too, since it’s unplanned and there ain't a whole lot of time to think about where it's going.  As at that classy Westport dinner scene a couple days before the wedding ...

"Reactive chunders are not nearly as controlled as proactive ones,” I sympathized.
“It typically results in much more mess to mop up. Reactive leads to unplanned
spillage with unintended consequences. Proactive is more focused and guided.
"

Suddenly, Horace sat up ramrod straight and stiffened with alarmed eyes. A spout
of spew erupted from deep in his throat, cascading over the table in front of him
and sideways as he instinctively turned his head, right into Little Timmy’s adjacent
martini glass.


"Ewwww!" winced Little Timmy, looking morosely at his newly infused cocktail.

This led to coining of the word chunkitini with its fresh reddish pink hue. Chundertini is just as good though, so we’ll use it as a synonym. Remember, you heard these new words here first. The above interaction from the book can act as a definition of sorts—it's pretty clear what happened there!

A little poking around reveals that there’s a cocktail out there called Steel Vomit. It sure sounds like a nasty concoction even if the bonafide stuff above ain’t in it per se. Bob reckons a few of these puppies pounded in quick succession may well lead a few punters to the above type scenario.

On this topic of 'regurgitation' generally, classic movie scenes always come to mind and here’s a well done “puke nuke’em” montage of merriment for all you cinephiles, which includes a few select snippets from that classic Monty Python flick, The Meaning of Life, among others.
 

Don’t act all grossed out on this topic. Hey, if you like honey, you’re actually eating bee barf, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, as this Straight Dope piece elaborates. The quibble and riposte at the end is good, defending use of the word 'barf' versus regurgitation in this context.


As some single cat hitting up weddings all around the world, sooner or later, your ass is gonna see this act … live. Proof pository is right here with a couple of select moments of wedding magic. 


You can see those subtle movements in her throat nicely telegraphing it all as she arises from her stupor-induced nap. To be fair to the ladies, Bob must include a guy doing similar. 


With a litttle practice, you too can wind your way down this road, be it reactive or proactive for even more punishment later on, and then end up looking like this pair of fine, rather relaxed folks. It's all about how you carry yourself and hold that grace right to the end, Nice touch as our gal still has enough sense  and wits to hold her hair back from dangling into her product delivery on the floor. 
 


 

Life just seems so incomplete until you've been there. That, and also reading this book to keep you highly amused (and bemused at times). Bob digs deep about everything, to bring you the very best. 
A couple weeks before Christmas 1996, Bob was sitting in a rather sturdy church in Santiago, Chile, and trying to distract and amuse himself with different musings and thoughts during a tedious, full-on Catholic wedding ceremony. One such thread was about his general attendance, or lack thereof, in houses of worship. 

That I needed such diversions at all reminded me why I limited my presence in
religious venues to begin with—weddings 
and funerals only. Call it WaFO. I wasn’t
even a part of the seasonal C+E crowd.
OK, maybe add the odd baptism or bar
mitzvah, 
or if there might ever be need to stave off hordes of zombies taking
over the world.

Many churches were solid enough for such a siege, but it would be paramount to
hole up in one with minimal windows 
high enough up to be inaccessible to marauding
fleshseekers. In Manhattan, the AT&T Long Lines Building was 
arguably much more
zombie-proof than most houses of worship. It also held the advantage of not being home
to a 
particular religion—unless of course spiritual suffusion itself provided protection.

Not being a regular attendee, Bob was thinking about the fortress-like state of many churches, and comparing to that other edifice mentioned above. And why not? That’s the way Bob’s brain ticks along. You never know when zombies might strike. Always good to be aware, if not prepared per se. 

Here's a frontal of the Iglesia de los Santos Ángeles Custodios from the wedding, followed by that NYC structure. 


Do zombies even really exist, apart from our fascination with them in movies and TV? Some say there is indeed a basis there, but that is for another discussion altogether. Do your own research and make your own determination.

Regarding picking a suitable spot to make a stand, the downside may well be that if they can’t get in, you may consequently not be able to get out either. It goes both ways. Long term survivability is tied to a host of other factors, once you start to think about it.  Depending on where one is, and how they are encountered, and with various means and tools haphazardly at one’s disposal, any reaction to them will vary, even if it’s Grandma, as seen in Scary Movie 4.


The lads in Shaun of the Dead make some exemplary use of old 12-inch vinyl LPs in an inspired creatve moment, in the midst of their off-the-cuff defense tactics.


Bob commends their musical choices, sacrificing some for the sake of others. Do-or-die situations call for tough decisions.

Another facet to consider, is whether the other side will be the more traditional, slow-moving ones, or the newer, more agile fast ones (a la 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later), and how you need to react.


No matter where you are, beyond being holed up somewhere (hopefully) safe and defendable, your ass will need lots of supplies (e.g., guns, ammo, food, water, and other weaponry) in order to keep up the good survival fight.

Here are two highlight reels of improvised, imaginative methods on dealing with and dispatching zombies, doubling down on a Top 10 list approach from some of the cinematic genre's finer splatterfest moments over the years.


Bob particulalry digs the chainsaw bride scene, at position #2 in the second reel, seeing as the damndest things can happen at a wedding, so best to keep ever alert. Here below is the English language trailer on that Spanish flick, [Rec]3: Génesis


Ladies, talk about being real pissed when your big day doesn’t go down the way you had it all perfectly planned. Survival (and marriage) is all about pivoting and adapting.


Now that’s spicing a wedding day up somewhat. And as with any good romance story, there is that mandated "Happily Ever After" (or HEA, per short label in the trade) for the couple … sorta …kinda, in a dark and different way. But hey, that’s the  way love and weddings shake out sometimes in the real world.

You could also plan your very own zombie-themed wedding, as some have done.


Note it’s  pure coink-e-dink this post came up in time for Halloween.



No matter if at a wedding, or anywhere else, the Zombie Apocalypse, or a smaller, localized, regional variant therein, may sneak up on your ass when you’re least expecting it. That’s why some single dude traveling the world for weddings is always open to the possibilities of stuff happening around him. And you can read all about it and much more in this offbeat, and unique novel. Bob's got you covered if you want something different to read.



When Bob was down Mexico way years back and sitting around the pool killing time before a wedding, between arguments with his then girlfriend, he was pondering the following, all the while gandering at her.

She took proud pleasure, whenever asked, in confirming that they were not bolt-on
bazookas. As with car configurations, I tended to agree that OEM, straight 
off the 
assembly line, was best, albeit with certain de rigueur manufacturer installed 
options.
 
Adding aftermarket parts denigrated total package value and complicated maintenance
on a long-term basis. Once you started visiting the likes of Manny, Moe, and Jack at Pep Boys
it could be hard to stop tweaking and fussing over "improvements" in a slippery-slope spiral.
 

Bob draws on this automotive analogy, as applied to people parts, to illustrate his point.

One can do these modifications (mods, for short) well, or ... poorly. You choose. It’s all just a little consideration, or not, as the case may be. If you're going to go down this road, pardon the pun, doing things properly is the way to go, whatever your ride may be. 


Seeking competent professional help may well be better than a being a passionate, yet probably inept, first-time DIYer. And then, if you decide to press on yourself regardless, with things gone bad, that may breed a future cascade of additional corrective actions, and ongoing issues ever after. Here are a few to consider. 


Some of the ones above are definitely a little more creative / artistic than others, making up for any budgetary constraints with sheer chutzpah. But, even if your wallet’s thick and you can throw mucho $$$ at the task, getting things done purrfessionally [sic] and all, you still may not get the desired "organic"and "tasteful" end result. But like with many things, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and ultimately, the one with the check book. 


Back around the time of the wedding in the mid 90s, the range of going aftermarket with one’s body (i.e., plastic surgery), was mostly confined to the aforementioned bolt-on (boobies), nose jobs and other facial plastic surgery.  The field actually goes back to ancient civilizations and its earliest methods.


This link has a nice overview for those with a more historical interest in all this. 

Sure, there's a bonafide need for this whole area of medical practice, for those that really need it for serious reasons. Where the more amorphous judgment call falls is when folks opt for it, based on insecurity, and low self-esteem. No doubt, a lot of that also has to do with the “ideal” human imagery as constantly portrayed in and perpetrated by the media. 

Fast forward a couple of decades from the wedding, and there are a whole range of improved procedures and enhancements that can be had today. Here’s a good list from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery. Try one … try them all, over time. Be the first kid on your tony block to tick them all off the list. It’s all gone way deeper and wider now than Charles Dick’s classic, A Tale of Two Titties.

Today, it’s not just about slicing and dicing, but there are also interesting injectables for those that wish to avail of the miracles of modern medical science to look and feel their youthful best. Some are deemed less invasive than others, and cost less $$$, but still can have some known (and unknown) long-term, undesired results to keep things interesting and with an ever--evolving look.

Bob will let all y’all decide for yourself what looks good, based on a few extreme examples.



And remember, apart from the odd DIYers that took things into their own hands to cut corners and save some do$h, most of these "improved" looks below were done by those who knew the trade, and were well paid for their skills.


If all those follies aren't enough to make one pause a bit on all this, here’s a litle more on Monique Allen's cautionary tale to draw upon. 


Yikes, after that parade, it makes one think about the risks versus benefits of these aftermarket aesthetic enhancements.

Your ass is much better off plunking down way fewer dollars and dive into a copy of this quixotic, funny, off-the-wall tale about some single guy traveling the world over to exotic weddings.



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