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One of Bob's homemade sayings is “It’s always funny until someone loses a testicle.”

Why? Well, here’s proof positive in that regard.

Such a situation is one of those things in life that you KNOW you don’t need to have happen personally to you, in order to believe it is so. “Run, Forrest, run!” is all one can say, especially from any women you may have in your life that are capable of such mayhem and menace.

Exhibit #1
Woman jailed for testicle attack
A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison
10--FEB-2005

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard. She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."
FULL STORY

You just gotta dig the part where our gal Amanda put the little fellow in her mouth, and tried to swallow it, but then spat it out. Maybe she thought it was a Malteaser, piece of gum/candy or sumpin’ like that, but just for a second or two until reason took hold. 

Then the dutiful friend retrieves if and returns it to our victim with that priceless line above. 

“I am in no way a violent person.” – Amanda Monti
Yeah, sure. Right. I’m with you on that.

Alas, poor Mr. Jones was unable to have his litle friend put back on. In hindsight, he shoulda maybe thought twice about saying no to nookie that night and talking things over with Amamda. She got 2.5 years in the clink for her efforts once all was said and done. 


Exhibit #2
Woman admits biting off man's testicle
06-DEC-00

A mother of two has pleaded guilty to affray after biting off a man's testicle. Denise Carr, 32, admitted biting off the testicle of her friend's husband, Neil Hutchinson, 30, during a violent row.
FULL STORY

The original incident happened on October 16, 1999, so it actually took the wheels of justice a while to swing around on this one for Neil. Priorities, priorities, please.

Regadless, our girl Denise has this real serious “Don’t mess with me or I’ll bite your gonad off” look about her judging by this photo. You just know it.


Bob likes the bit about how the police later found the severed gonad under a picture frame somewhere in the living room. Further, it looks like our main man Neil was unable to have that sucker sewn back on either, just like the unfortunate cat in the first story. There seems to be some consistency at play here between both exhibits. Just trying to be thorough for the benefit of all.

Per the follow-on story from January 2001, it looks like Denise got 6 months in the cooler for her action, despite her otherwise “exemplary character.”

Overall, Bob doesn't know if there is something in the air or drinking water in the United Kingdom , as both happened there, but moving forward, as he attends weddings in that country, he shall be a little more guarded as to the types of women one may chat up at a wedding as a single guy. This is perhaps one type of misadventure most guys might be happy to miss.

Kudos to our friends at the BBC, who do their utmost to keep the world informed about all the news that’s fit to print and that we absolutely need to know about. They may not always get it right, but looks like they were on the money and digging deep here with these two stories.

Anyway, as to the overall validity of his saying, Bob rests his case. As a parting word to all the fellow single bachelors out there, y’all be needin’ to choose your girlf(r)iends a little better.

Bob was thinking of slapping a few example pictures up here to drive things home visually, but then after considering some suitable specimens, his compassionate side got the better of him. It is pretty easy to find some though, if you really feel the need to see some severed ones in jars and other views. You can trust Bob on all this.