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Subject: Iceland #71 - Olfactory offense
(Posted on Dec 29, 2014 at 03:18PM ) Tags:
After an overnight flight, you’re in a car for a couple hours in remote Iceland on your way to a wedding at the end of August 2003, when suddenly … you’re attacked by Dr. LoveSexy from his perch in the passenger seat.

 
The Dr. looked at me, paused for a moment of cerebral reflection, sniffed, and
turned his upper torso toward the door. “Monopoly this.” He loudly expunged a
wet-sounding anal burp that reverberated with a slow and sloppy staccato.

His anal elocution was not to be confused with anal electrocution, which was 
an altogether different experience, although the latter could feasibly stimulate
the former. Both prove the maxim “it is better to give than to receive.” 

Eeeew. This was the real deal.  Noxious fumes hung in the air, unlike my 
Terrance and Philip jest with George Johnson two weeks ago.

Edwin may well have left behind a brown racing stripe inside his skivvies with
this one. “Beavis-cum-Cornholio, ‘your bunghole just went
ra ka ka ka. You may
need TP for your bunghole,’” I said, trying not to breathe. “That was some crazy

bum cum hum.” I labeled it so from a sonic perspective, being inclined to
sporadically spawn such silly Seussisms.

He completely had me. I was not equipped at this very second to fire a volley
in reprisal.  
The war was over with one shot, and you were dead. Jar that up in
mass quantity, and one had credible replacements for those problematic
missing Weapons of (M)Ass Destruction not yet found in Iraq.

Hey, shit happens. Whether you call it farting, tooting, anal burping, queefing, or anything else, you need to deal with it. Want to expand your vocabulary on the matter? Here’s a good HuffPo piece with 150 terms and Fart Names additionally describes them by type and adds other euphemisms to the mix.

The skinny on the buried Beavis-cum-Cornholio references (as taken from that classic Beavis and Butt-head series on MTV)  and that sound bite from the book above are seen in these two clips below.



Bob digs deep on all the things that really matter, even if he's just some single guy skipping merrily off to weddings all around the world.

Humans do it--men and women both, so don’t let the prettier, better and oft-smarter sex tell you they don’t play in this space.



This scene from Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle clearly demonstrates this capability. Hey, it must be true if it’s in a movie, after all.


Female "bottom burps" may even pack more punch than their male-generated counterparts per here and here. Note that it appears some people actually specialize in this area of study—go figure! From a science perspective, here’s a great little video that talks about everything you wanted to know about flatulence, and then some more. Impress friend, family, and foe alike (although sometimes these category labels can overlap) with these new-found kernels of knowledge.


Other animals do it too, and here’s a Top 10 list on it. The Fart Facts lists a bunch of great informaton on the matter. All the scoop on the poop, so to speak, pardon the pun. Here’s yet another piece from The Guardian newspaper that speaks to the medicinal powers of those petite puffs of personal perfumed pleasure.

As with many things out there in the world that one can ingest or experience, a little bit is just fine, but you can also be in danger if exposed to too much. Talk about WMD, or in this case per below, WAD, may be the more apropos tag.


This is the vaunted "blue angel" experience, which is not to be confused with the Blue Angels, unless the latter be doing the former while flying in formation, which would be kinda kool, one supposes.


To close off today's topic of global significance, here’s a "fartastic" festival of some serious auditory anal action going down and complied from one of Bob’s favorite shows.


In keeping with the spirit of the season, Happy Holidaze (Holz) Y’all, or HaHoY’a, in concatenated short form. Don’t feel shy to “Honk your horn.”