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Subject: Los Angeles #70 - BFF Neighbo(u)rs
(Posted on Jan 15, 2015 at 08:41PM ) Tags:
You’re at some wedding in Greater LA just after the Blackout of 2003 took out a big chunk of the Northeast on both sides of the border, when the following comes up in conversation about supposed neighboring BFF countries, Canuckistan and Amerika.
 

“Canada is America's invisible, steady, safe-sex partner. The Beaver's only too happy
to just bend over and take it like any good bum buddy. One day, we’ll just take the
place over,” said Jock.

“That won’t happen,” said Wade.

“It’s not imaginable at this very moment, but go back almost 200 years. We attacked 
and invaded Canada in 1812. Then, in the 1930s, there was an attack plot—War Plan
Red,” said Jock.

“OK, I’ll give you that. Canuckistan even had its own cockamamie preemptive plot to
invade south before that, in the 20s—Defence Scheme No. 1.”

“You never know how quickly close friends can become enemies, or vice versa,” said Lamont.

“Betcha there’s still some super-secret-squirrel crank Yank plan in the works under the
guise of liberating Canada one day from its socialist left-wing tyranny—for water and
oil. But,” said Wade, “that’s another topic altogether.”

“We’d still graciously let you keep all the hockey rinks, polar bears, maple syrup, and
McKenzie brother tuques you’d need,” Jock said. “America’s munificence is unbounded.”

So whaddup with all that?

Not only was Canada attacked as mentioned in the War of 1812, there was an earlier invasion in 1775, and the series of Fenian Raids between 1866 – 1871. Okay, so maybe America officially wasn't involved in these last raids, but it appears they looked the other way. Yeah, go figure like that tactic of tacit approval ain’t never been used since by nobody.

The skinny on War Plan Red and Defence Scheme No. 1 are in the links and are also summarized below. 



Canada has, like, stuff, and shit, as this informative website lays out. Another interesting but much more serious spin on the topic, both historically, and with a modern day slant, can be found here



The pretense of war could all shake out just like this in Canadian BaconIt doesn't take much to start a war, and today, most folks seem to believe what they see and hear on TV about world events unfolding as depicted and being accurate. 


Or maybe it will go down as it did in South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncutit all started from that fine flick the kids saw, Asses of Fire, as previously covered in a blog post here (see Step 2), Next, the kids' behavior gets modified, Kyle's Mom goes apeshit, scapegoats are created, and war breaks out easy breezy before you can say "Bob's your uncle."


That’s when the propaganda machine revs into overdrive and feeds the masses pulp to fan the flames of patriotism and doing the right thing.
 

Bob’s basic premise is that if invasion plans like that existed historically, they certainly exist now. They could now be camouflaged under different guises of economic harmonization, secure perimeter integration and other stuff like, uhm, say protecting against the coming zombie apocalypse as elaborated on below in Canada's Parliamentary House of Commons. Bob be only bringing your ass the important stuff. 
 

Or maybe it will be about the ever au courant, contriived and poorly named War on Terror, really about a state of mind when you think about it. Everything’s relative, depending on your perspective.
 

But if shit shakes out either way down the road, here are some great ideas for a new flag, depending on how the "union" goes.



But really, some others at higher levels are really looking to have things all end up like this below, as taken from that classic 1964 Kubrick masterpiece, Dr. Strangelove. Bob digs this scene, as our man Slim Pickens, playing the role of Major T.J. “King” Kong, rides it out to the end  and goes out with a bang. Yee haw! He shares the same birthday as Bob too, so what’s not to like.


And like all great fairy tales (as with marriage, perhaps, some of the time), there is the stereotypical Happily Ever After, or HEA, as it is labeled  in all them romance novels. Hey, just like in Dr. Strangelove and its full title, learn to stop worrying and love the bomb.  Relax. 


Then there's the momentary happiness when you’re just some guest taking in the scene as two folks walk down the aisle together, the ceremony is finally over, and you're anticipating the start of the reception N.B. This be where the food, drink, music and fun is at.

This is the kind of stuff going down in Wedding Chronicles. In this particular chapter, single simpleton gets caught up in discussion about Canada and USA before Japan-meets-Canada ceremony with his friends at sea, and everything "goes to hell in a handbasket" thereafter.